Marked by an Angel
by Tibbins
Summary: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 8! - After a heated argument with Dean, Castiel leaves to complete Metatron's trials. The Winchesters soon find themselves in major trouble and Sam is given a choice. Rated T for violence and language in later chapters. Destiel.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello lovely people :D**

**This is my second Supernatural fic this week! Granted the other one was just a short one shot about Bobby but still. :P**

**This contains spoilers for season 8, set in the second to last episode but refers to things throughout the season.**

**I wanted to write a Destiel fic. I'm not sure it's going to turn into full out slash or keep it as friendship yet so keep an open mind xD**

**I have no idea where I'm going to go with this but I guess we'll see**

**This first chapter is dedicated to my first reviewer as is my wont :P**

**I don't own Supernatural or any of it's characters or sets but I would be happy to take Destiel if they can't handle the ship ;)**

**Enjoy ^.^**

Castiel kept his face as stoic as possible while Dean Winchester yelled at him. They were standing outside the bunker, by the impala. The angel had materialised after his conversation with Metatron at the Eugenie's Bistro about the angel trials. He had come to tell them the news and found them ready to leave to resurrect Abbadon for the third trial. Sam had invited him to join them but he had declined, eager to share his own news. As he was speaking, he watched as Dean's face began to harden. Sam had gone back inside the bunker to fetch something and seemed to have the good sense to stay away until the fight was over. A few heated comments from Dean and perhaps not thoroughly thought through replies from Castiel had led them here.

'You know what Cas? I'm sick of you! I'm sick of you just popping in when you feel like it! Ignoring my prayers when I _need _you!' Dean stopped and took a breath, rubbing his stubble with his hand. Admittedly, sometimes he prayed to Cas when he wanted guidance. With both John and Bobby dead he had no one to turn to when he was worried about Sammy. Weren't angels supposed to help with that kind of crap?

'I have my own battles to fight, Dean' Castiel said. He didn't want to concede this one and apologise. He was doing the right thing. Hiding the angel tablet, protecting it; getting ready to complete Metatron's tasks so he could help clean up Heaven. He was trying to be good. Why did Dean always have to make him feel bad?

'We're fighting the same battles Cas!' Dean shouted, gesturing wildly 'We're on the same side here! Only you don't seem to remember that! We work _together_ on things like this!'

'No' Castiel shot back, meeting Dean's eyes with anger '_You _always need _my _help. I can do this on my own'

'Then why did you bother to tell us at all Cas?' Dean asked, his voice lower, sadder.

'Because I thought that we were friends, Dean' he replied 'And friends trade information about their lives. And this is important'

'Friends ask for help too.' Dean said, not breaking eye contact. 'Y'know, once we've done the third trial, me and Sam will help you'

'I don't need you' Castiel said shortly 'You'll only slow me down'

'We work better as a team Cas, and you know it' Dean said, turning his back on the angel. When he looked back he was surprised to see that Cas was still there.

'I come when you need me, isn't that enough?' Castiel didn't understand Dean's anger at him. Granted, Dean was nearly always angry about something but Castiel didn't feel like he deserved to be yelled at for no reason; and he wasn't in the mood. He had been excited at the prospect of closing Heaven's gates to help heal the chaos up there and perhaps childishly, he had wanted Dean to be excited for him too.

Dean wasn't thrilled. At all. He was hurt at how happy Cas seemed to be at the idea of closing Heaven. Locking himself upstairs too for God knows how long. Especially as time is different up there. Cas could be gone for months, years even. Maybe a lifetime. He didn't see why Cas wanted to leave so badly.

'No Cas, it isn't. You need to decide. If you're with us, then you're with us all the way, all in. No take backsies, no half-assed commitments. We can do this Cas, and we could use your help.' Castiel looked away, breaking eye contact with Dean, his green eyes were sincere, the promise of forgiveness in his voice; and Cas wanted Dean to forgive him. If he had learned anything about Dean over his time on Earth, then it was that Dean felt betrayal deeply and he didn't forgive easily because it took him a long time to build up trust to the point where he would feel betrayed. Castiel hated that he had hurt Dean, and wanted to atone for his sins, but he had a mission. He was an angel of the Lord. Dean and Sam Winchester were just men. Castiel's mission was to protect them, and all of God's other creations. He couldn't put the happiness of one man above the well-being of 6 billion. He conveniently ignored the fact that the Winchesters always acted for the good of the many as well. Choosing instead to focus on the hypocrisy that the Winchesters always did things their own way.

'You don't seem to want me around when I show up anyway' Castiel argued 'You ignore me, or yell at me as you are doing now' Dean's face contorted slightly

'I'm sorry, man' he said 'I'll try not to do that. I just look at you and think...'

'You think of all the times that I have wronged you' Castiel finished. Dean just looked down. Castiel sighed 'you don't have to forgive me Dean. Just let me do my job'

'Yeah? Well what is that exactly Cas? I thought your job, was to protect people! In which case, I'm _giving_ you your job here! Help us.'

'It is not my job to babysit you!' Dean stepped back, a small step but Castiel saw it, he knew how Dean hated relying on others, and that when he asked for help he always half-expected the other to deny it to him. Castiel licked his lips nervously, he didn't want to hurt Dean. He actually wanted to stay and help, but why didn't Dean _understand_? He had to complete the angel trials to help Heaven, his own people whom he had mercilessly slaughtered.

Dean huffed through his nose, the defensive sound he made when he backed out of a fight with bravado, to cover his rejection

'Fine. We'll do it on our own' he had half turned away before Castiel tried to make amends, too late

'Dean-'

'Save it Cas! I don't care. This is what you want. So just fricking go! And don't you worry. I'll look after Sammy, and fix everything. Go!'

Anger flared within Castiel, he wasn't sure where it had come from but he definitely did not appreciate Dean's insinuation that he didn't want to help. His voice shook slightly and he spoke slowly

'Fine. But don't bother praying for me. I won't come back'

And he went.

**Oh dear. Our boys are fighting :( **

**Ok, I think that the plot is going to derail slightly from here on in (obviously, or I'd just be rewriting the episodes)**

**What do you think so far? Do you want me to continue? It's mostly in Cas' narrative but there's a little bit of Dean in there too. It may fluctuate a bit over the chapters :P I really tried to capture the way they speak and I hope I did that ... maybe.**

**Please let me know your opinions ^.^ I love and appreciate all kinds of feedback**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hooray! I'm on a writing streak!**

**It may take me a couple of chapters to actually get into the full swing of the plot but I'll see if I can make the next one action packed**

**I experimented with narratives in this one, I wanted to establish the characters and relationships before I proceed with the story**

**Again, I own nothing but my brain xD**

**This chapter is dedicated to my first and so far only reviewer, bani86 :D**

**Enjoy ^.^**

Dean cursed at the now empty road. He yelled to Sam to get his ass up there and slammed his baby's door shut after him. He revved the engine angrily, waiting for Sam. Then they drove to go and dig up Abbadon. Speaking in short sentences to explain that Cas wasn't returning. Sam kept quiet, hoping that it wasn't true. Surely Cas would come back, he'd give it a day or two to cool off but he always came back eventually.  
Besides, they were almost done with the third trial, by this time tomorrow, it would be over and the gates of Hell would be closed forever. Then they could help Cas with his angel trials and when that was fixed, things would be good and he and Dean could get on with their lives. He could find someone and settle down and maybe Dean could too, although knowing Dean, he'd carry on hunting. After all, ghosts and werewolves didn't come from Hell.

Dean drove through the nearby town and onto the highway in sullen silence, stewing over his argument with Cas. He didn't want to lock all the angels away, despite the fact that they were all dicks. Cas was different. He had helped them, given him something to believe in and they had held each other up when the going was tough. He couldn't lose his friend again after leaving him to rot in Purgatory.  
Even though Cas had wanted to stay for penance or whatever, Dean couldn't help but blame himself for not fighting harder to pull Cas through, whether the child in a trenchcoat had wanted to come or not.

He had always been the protector. The big brother to Sammy, the one that could always be relied on to be there with a gun or a supporting shoulder. With Cas around, he felt that pressure ease slightly. Cas was an extra pair of eyes to watch out for Sam, someone he himself could unload to when he was worried or stressed. A friend that he didn't think he could do without, knowing now how much he needed one. He didn't want Cas to leave him alone with the responsibilities of being an older brother. Maybe it was small and selfish of him but he wanted Cas to stay.

He parked up on the side of the road and he and Sam made their way to the spot where Abbadon's head was buried. They had spread out the grave sites along the highway, keeping each body parts far enough away for it to be impossible to drag itself back together but within a distance that would make it easy to retrieve all parts if needed. Which it was.

Dean lost himself in the manual work of digging, the bitching of his muscles was easier to ignore than the idea that he might have just lost his best friend. Sam let him work in silence, he knew better than to ask Dean to share his feelings. The only one that Dean even attempted to open up to since Bobby died was Cas. If he didn't come back (Sam still believed he would) then this would hit him hard. But Sam never knew how to _help_ his brother. He wouldn't let Sam in, wouldn't talk about it. Dean often knew exactly what to say to make him feel better, but in reality, Sam barely knew his brother at all. Mostly, all they did was argue.

Castiel had materialised on a bench near Eugenie's. He watched the people walk by, blissfully unaware of the creatures that stalked among them, ignorant to the battle between angels and demons, and unknowing that the placid looking man in a trenchcoat was waiting for a certain waitress to leave so he could carve her heart out on her way home.

The sun was slowly starting to sink on the horizon; turning the clouds orange that made it look as if the sky were ablaze. Castiel sighed contentedly. He loved Earth. It was so much more _real_ than heaven. More beautiful and complex. Like the people. He thought back to Dean and frowned, the moment sullied. He had grown weary of his friend's often misdirected anger. Dean always made him feel like he wasn't good enough, like he had to prove himself. He always felt like he owed Dean for something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

Nevertheless, he was done with the Winchesters. He couldn't go back now. Dean had made him so … furious, and that was rare for him. He had to finish the angel trials and maybe then he would get a chance to say goodbye. Even if he didn't, they wouldn't miss him. They'd be fine without him. They always were. He tried not to think of how monotonous and boring Heaven would seem after his days with the Winchesters. They always had a new adventure, were always getting into trouble, always needed his assistance

_When I am locked in Heaven, I won't be able to give it to them _he thought _They will have to get used to coping without me._

Castiel then thought of the trial he was about to do. The murder of an innocent and wondered what Dean would say about that

'Don't you dare, Cas' he would warn, eyes hard and unforgiving 'you can't just kill innocent people. That goes against everything we've been fighting for since day one'.

But what choice did he have? The trials were set in stone, he would have to complete them in order to finish his mission.

'Screw the mission' Dean's voice said 'Find another way'

But there was no other way

'Find another way you glorified pixie' Dean's voice insisted 'That's what we always do.'

Castiel looked down at the pavement, the sky was darkening, the waitress would be finished soon. He thought over imaginary Dean's words, maybe he could use the Winchesters' help after all. But then he remembered that he was supposed to be mad at Dean, and therefore his advice was unwanted and irrelevant. He had no other option. Metatron's orders had been clear. And a good soldier followed his orders.

**Okay ... so what do you think?**

**Please let me know opinions and whatnot, feedback is always helpful ^.^**

**I tried to get across the fact that Dean is usually Castiel's 'humanizer', he's the one that makes Cas question and rebel which I love about their relationship.**

**I'll try to update soon**

**Please review, I need feedback to live!**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here we are again, so soon! Chapter 3 already :P**

**Disclaimer as per usual**

**I have to say that I'm a little disappointed with the reaction to this story, with only one reviewer I can't tell if people like it or not. It has a fair amount of traffic but hardly any followers. I'm sorry to say that if things don't pick up then I may discontinue this. There's no point posting something that no one likes.**

**Enjoy**

On the last part, Abbadon's actual torso, Dean went on ahead to the dig site while Sam kept an eye on the various boxes containing limbs. They were slowly shifting closer together, as if they could sense their nearness (if that was a word) and it wouldn't do for them to reassemble before they got her somewhere safe first. Dean didn't mind the solitude. To tell the truth, Sam's constant worried glances and weak attempts at small talk were giving him a headache. He had cracked a few jokes but his heart wasn't in it and he knew that Sam could tell. He hated worrying Sam. Especially a Sam that was as fragile as he was now. The first two trials had really taken their toll and he wasn't sure that the third one would make him any better.

Why hadn't he just killed the damn hellhound? Better him than Sam. If the third trial ended up killing him (and of course it was, when did anything this important _not_ kill one of them?) then Dean would never forgive himself. Sam had managed a life outside of hunting. He hadn't. Lisa and Ben had been a dream but never really tangible, he had been happy, but that life wasn't right for him. When all of the sons of bitches were sucked back to Hell, where did that leave him? Sure, there might still be some monsters out there but if not then what would he do? He was a hunter. He had always been a hunter. And he would die a hunter. Sammy didn't deserve that life, it was because of him that he'd even come back to it. He stuck the shovel hard into the dirt and heaved dirt out of the makeshift grave.

It was too late for him to jump in now, as he'd known it would be. But he had trusted Sam, because Sam had asked him to, he had said he could handle it. And now he was coughing up blood and feverish, huge headaches and glowing on occasion which was scarier than the other physical symptoms put together. He _hated_ seeing Sammy in pain. There was a reason that_ he_ had wanted to do the angel trials instead.

He heard a noise behind him and straightened up, rubbing his back

'I'm nearly done, Sam, give me a minute' he turned to face his brother and was met instead with an evil grin and black eyes, Dean yelled and lifted his shovel, but the blow hit him before he could swing it, he staggered but recovered quickly and leapt out of the grave. They circled the hole in the ground slowly, eyeing each other. Dean didn't recognise the man the demon was possessing.

The demon launched itself at Dean and they tumbled to the ground, Dean lost the shovel and they were throwing punches and struggling to gain the advantage, Dean managed to slam it's head against a rock but somehow the demon managed to position itself so it's feet were on Dean's stomach.

Dean went flying across the clearing and smashed into a tree. Pain exploded in his head and black spots danced across his vision

'Sam!' he cried, he wasn't far away, surely he would hear. The demon laughed as he watched Dean struggle to his feet, spitting blood from his mouth

'Your brother has already been taken care of.' it said, 'all it took was one blow to the head. Pathetic-'

Dean ignored his pain and roared, barrelling into the demon he slammed his fist into the demons head again and again, he heard something break but he didn't stop. If he could just knock him out... Sam had the knife. He paused for a second to assess the damage. The demon's face was a bloody mess and he wasn't moving. Dean stood shakily and turned to the direction of the impala, he hefted the shovel at the ready and went to go and check on Sam. The impala was there, but his brother wasn't

'Sam!?' he yelled, spinning around to search the trees 'SAM!' his throat felt constricted and his heart tightened painfully in his chest.

'Do stop yelling Dean' came the slick, gravelly voice behind him 'Sam's fine. For now' Dean's blood boiled and he spun around quickly, ready to swing but the shovel went flying and suddenly there was a demon on each arm and he was facing the king of Hell

'Crowley' he growled, pure venom in his voice 'You son of a bitch! Where's Sam?'

'Don't worry squirrel, you'll be reunited with your precious moose in 3, 2, 1'

'Dean!' Sam called out to him. Dean looked around wildly and saw his brother tied to a chair, he looked unharmed

'Sammy, you okay?' he asked as the demons holding him forced him into another, similar chair, facing his brother, on the other side of the dirty, circular room.

'Yeah, you?' Dean just nodded and began to struggle, testing his chains which were tight and unrelenting the demons watched. It was likely that they'd heard tales of how badass the Winchesters were. The stupid ones would be overjoyed at their powerlessness, and would be less careful; the smart ones would keep their eyes open. Dean prayed for stupid.

Crowley appeared directly in the centre of the room

'Hallo boys' he greeted, as he always did

'Can't think of anything original to say, Crowley?' Dean shot back. Crowley smiled, as if he was indulging a child

'Now, now, squirrel, mind your manners' he said; wiggling his finger in Dean's direction. Dean responded with a very colourful two words. Crowley just laughed

'Now, I hoped you were going to say that. Makes my job much easier. Now shut up for a second squirrel. I need to have a word with moose.' Crowley then turned his back on Dean but still spoke loud enough for the both of them to hear

'Now moose. What I need from you, is to stop all of this... demon trial nonsense. I'm sure you can see how this will affect my business if you close up shop. So just stop all of this silliness, and I'll let you both go.'

Sam mumbled something unintelligible that sounded like an insult and Dean grinned in pride, which turned into anger as Crowley, still with that freaking smirk on his face, smartly smacked his brother, hard across the face. 'I thought you'd say something similar' Crowley said in his infuriatingly calm way 'But, you see, no one is coming to rescue you' he looked over his shoulder at Dean 'word on the grapevine is that you and your precious angel have had a lovers tiff.' he turned back to Sam 'and dear old Bobby's dead isn't he? Can't say I've missed him. He was a terrible kisser.' Crowley laughed at Sam's futile attempts to get loose

'You son of a bitch!' he spat out. Dean tensed at that too, Crowley wasn't fit to mention Bobby's name.

'Temper, temper' the self-made man said, smiling fondly at Sam's glare 'I daresay I can make you change your mind. There's a reason I brought both of you here after all. All I need is for you to sign this contract, give me both halves of the demon tablet and stop the trials and I let your brother live' Sam stopped swearing

'There, now I have your attention. You see, you Winchesters are _so_ predictable. Torture _you_ and you'd never give in, but torture _him_' Crowley made a gesture and one of the demons stepped forward with what looked like a modified cattle prod 'and I get what I want from you. It's pathetic, but it works.' Sam met Dean's eyes across the room

'Don't you dare Sammy' he warned, bracing himself 'If you sign that thing, I'll kill you myself', he saw the hesitation in Sam's eyes before he nodded, and faced Crowley

'No deal'

The demon holding the cattle prod grinned and jammed the vicious looking instrument into Dean's side, jolts of pain flooded through him, sharp, jagged, unending, strong. He bit his lip until he tasted blood, the pain didn't let up, he couldn't help it. He screamed.

**So, some more action as promised **

**Please, please let me know what you think. If you don't like it then what improvements can I make? **

**This story rests on the balance.**

**I need reviews people. . . or any reaction at all xD**

**Now I feel mean :/**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok, this is the longest chapter so far. Two updates in one day! I just couldn't stop writing today ^.^ I love moods like this.**

**I even got a second reviewer, YAY :D so this chapter is dedicated to you, Veronica :)**

**I don't own Supernatural or any of it's characters. . . But I'd like to**

**Enjoy ^.^**

Dean dimly heard Sammy screaming his name, and Crowley and the other demons laughing. He sagged in his chair when the demon next to him removed the cattle prod. Panting hard.

'Dean! Are you okay?' Dean raised his head to meet his brothers eyes and smiled at him

'Just peachy Sammy' he said, then to Crowley 'That tickled'

'Well, we can soon change that' Crowley interjected 'As touching as this moment is, I'm sure you realise, Sam that what you just witnessed was only the tiniest _taste_ of what Dean here could be subject to if you don't cooperate.'

Sam's jaw clenched and he stared desperately at Dean, who shook his head. Sam opened his mouth to answer but Crowley interrupted. 'And before you tell me to shove it again, just think on this' the cattle prod returned. It felt like fire was coursing through Dean's veins, he cried out in pain. Crowley smirked and turned back to Sam who was pale and shaking, eyes tortured as he watched his brother writhe and yell. 'Tell you what, moose. I'll give you a deadline. Seeing as you don't have the tablet with you and I don't really trust your word anyway, I'll send you back home. I'll give you twenty four hours to deliver me the tablet. I'll have one of my demons standing by where he drops you off. In order to get Dean back, you have to deliver the tablet and sign the contract. But you'd better be quick Sam, the longer you're gone, the more fun I can have with squirrel here. Twenty four hours exactly. One second later, Dean dies. And I take his soul for eternity. Untie him'

Sam was forced to his feet flanked by two demons. Crowley sauntered over to Dean, producing a knife which he stroked along Dean's cheek.

'Do you remember Hell, Dean?' Crowley asked, Dean kept his eyes straight ahead, deliberately not looking at him, or Sam. 'Hm?' the knife cut into his cheek. Dean flinched 'I only ask because I learned a few tricks from Alistair. And now I know things that will make you _beg_ Sam to give up those trials' he leant right in to Dean's ear, eyes on Sam 'I can make your life quite literally, Hell. In fact' he added, watching Sam's reaction to Dean's reaction to his words. 'To keep you safe, I think I'll take you back downstairs with me. Everyone has really missed you.' Dean reacted to that and pulled away from Crowley, as far as his chair would allow it.

Dean _did_ remember Hell, the blood, the fire, the pain. He couldn't go back there, couldn't go back on the rack. He'd break easier the second time round, he just knew it. He couldn't do that again. He just couldn't. Then he met Sam's eyes

'Sammy' he whispered. Sam winced at the pure fear in his brothers voice. He knew what Hell had done to him. It had broken him, completely.

Dean watched Sam's resolve waver. He would sign the damn contract then and there, no. He had to be strong. He had to be strong for Sammy. He could go back to Hell, for Sammy.

'Don't do it' he managed 'No matter what happens Sammy, don't do it. When you get out, run, and don't look back.' The demons placed their hands on Sam's shoulders simultaneously, giving Dean just enough time to turn in his chair and spit in Crowley's face before Sam disappeared. Give him the last image of defiance. Show him that he could do this, that he wasn't scared of Crowley. That he wanted Sam to finish the job. After all. He had always known it would end bloody for him.

When Sam had gone, Dean had to fight harder to squash his fear. Crowley cut him again for the spit and then touched his shoulder.

And Dean relived his worst nightmares.

Back next to the impala, Sam finished digging up Abbadon's torso and jumped into the car to speed back to the bunker, where he unloaded the pieces of Abbadon and placed them in separate rooms. Then he sat down at the table, head in his hands. He needed to think. He had to get Dean back, the echo of his scream reverberated inside his head, and now his brother was back in Hell. He had half a mind to drive straight to Kevin and get him to dig up the other half of the tablet. But on the other hand, he couldn't give in. Couldn't drop the trials when he was so close to closing the gates of Hell forever. But if he did that, he would trap Dean inside too. He wasn't even aware of his tears until he pulled his hands away from his eyes.

He stared at the wetness on his palms. Defeated. Aware that the fact that he was crying knew that he had already made his decision. Dean had made his decision for him. It was possibly the hardest thing he could do. But he would reassemble Abbadon, and finish this. For Dean.

Five hours later, Sam was carefully stitching one of Abbadon's arms back to the main body. His hands were shaking and he felt terrible, not least because of the fact that he had basically abandoned his brother to go all Frankenstein. He had been with Crowley for over five hours now. And in Hell, who knew how long that was? A month? Three years? He couldn't tell, and he hated it. He stopped for a second and took a deep breath to steady himself before cutting the thread and repositioning the head. He would leave her hands off and stored in the bunker, after all, it was the demon he had to cure, not the vessel. It was growing dark outside. Sam went to turn on the light so he could see. He took the head out of it's box and positioned it on the neck. He jumped when his phone rang. He put the head back down and fished his phone out of his pocket.

666 Calling

Sam clenched his fist around the phone and then answered.

'What do you want now, Crowley?' he said through his teeth, putting the phone to his ear.

He heard screaming. Dean's screaming. The sound of sizzling flesh and faintly, a knife being sharpened. 'You son of a bitch!' he shouted. 'What are you doing to him?'

'Are you sure you really want to know moose?' came the slick reply 'I'm calling to check in. See, down here, for your brother it's been six months. And we haven't been kind to him believe me.' Dean's screams got louder, and the sickening crunch of a grinding bone and straining flesh 'That was the sound of us tearing squirrel's tail off. . . or his arm, whichever you prefer'

'No!' Sam was on his knees, sobbing as he listened to his brother get torn apart

'Chill your beans, moose' Crowley chuckled 'We'll put humpty dumpty together again, otherwise we'd run out of parts to rip off.'

'Please' Sam begged as another heart wrenching scream came from Dean 'Please just stop'.

'You have the power to make us stop' Crowley said, voice hard and unforgiving. 'All you have to do is give me what I want. You have less than nineteen hours. Or, eleven months in Hell time. Otherwise your brother's soul is mine, and he'll stay here' Crowley paused and Sam could hear blood splattering on stone 'forever. Now how about a little word with your beloved sibling?'

'Sam!' Dean's voice was hoarse, broken, it was clouded with pain and thick from tears 'Sammy'

'Dean' Sam sobbed

'Sammy please'

'I'm sorry, Dean, I'm so sorry. I love you'

'Love you too little brother' Dean sounded like he was struggling to breathe 'keep fighting this fucker, don't do what he wants, leave me here. You have to – AHHHH! SON OF A BITCH!'

'Well that's enough of that. Moose, I think you get the message'

The line went dead.

Sam dropped the phone, his eyes were streaming, his shoulders shaking, his heart and stomach squeezing. He wanted to be sick, he wanted to curl up in a warm bed and have Dean comfort him better, he wanted Dean.

He couldn't let Dean down by giving in to Crowley, but he couldn't let him rot down there either. So he did something he hadn't done in quite a long time.

He prayed.

_Castiel_

**How am I doing with Crowley in your opinion? I'm trying to get him across as the way I see him, he is actually quite funny, and flirtatious in a completely ruthless, evil way of course. **

**I feel mean for what I'm doing to Dean, but I do have a tendency to beat up my favourite characters. I guess I'm just sadistic.**

**Please give me feedback, opinions. Whether you liked it or not. I need to know! Reviews make me write faster! It's a fact!**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**So, chapter 5 already :D YAY! I warn you now, that I'm unlikely to update on friday. I have a job interview and am freaking out slightly, but I'll see what I can do. And if I get the job then chapters may be more sporadic but I'm not sure this story will be that much longer. Possibly 3 or 4 more chapters but I do have a tendency to waffle on so again, we'll see**

**I got a new follower! Yay! **

**Disclaimer as usual**

**Enjoy ^.^**

_Castiel_

Castiel heard his name in the wind, Sam's voice. Probably calling to apologise for Dean's harsh words. Well it would just have to wait. He was busy. He and Metatron were walking side by side down the street, a few people behind the waitress. It was almost time. Not that he was looking forward to this trial. In fact he was slowing his strides, the closer they got. He refused to overtake people. He didn't want to kill the girl. She wasn't at fault for her parentage. Metatron kept trying to urge him faster. If Castiel was being perfectly honest with himself, he was uncomfortable with how eager Metatron seemed to be to carve an innocents heart from her chest.

_Cas, please_

Something was different with Sam's voice. Castiel frowned, trying to figure out what it was. It sounded …

The couple in front of them turned from the main street and Metatron quickened his pace. Castiel did too, unthinkingly following, trying to focus on what was different. Well, for one, it was Sam calling and not Dean. He sometimes ignored Sam's requests for help because they came more often than Dean's and so were usually less urgent. Sam hadn't quite figured out that when he prayed inside his head, he often went off on a tangent and thought in images and got flustered if he happened to be thinking of something that was irrelevant to the reason he was asking Castiel for help. That had caused embarrassment on both sides multiple times, and as untrained in human interaction as he was, he figured that it would be extremely awkward if he went to Sam after one of those particular one-way conversations.

Dean's requests were more straight-forward, as he usually prayed out loud and only prayed for the express purpose of needing his help, Sam sometimes prayed just because he believed. The nephilim turned to cut through the park, where is was dark and empty, it would be easy. If they waited until they were no longer in sight of the street, for some reason, Castiel paused on the edge of the orange glow of the streetlamp, the last light before the world fell into the darkness of the trees. Metatron stopped and looked at him questioningly, not wanting to draw attention to the nephilim by talking. Castiel just shook his head and stared forward again.

_Cas, it's Dean, please come, just please_

Castiel stopped again. Sam sounded desperate, and not the usual desperate exasperation at having to patch up their arguments, which sometimes came across as amused for some reason that Castiel put down to 'human emotional fault'. But this... this was pleading, begging. Something must have happened, something with Dean. Was he in trouble? Were they fighting demons that they needed him to smite? Unlikely, the Winchesters were perfectly capable of killing demons on their own.

_Castiel, I need you! Please, I'm begging you. _

'Castiel' Metatron had stopped in front of him 'what's wrong with you?' he hissed

'The Winchesters. They need me' he replied. Metatron shifted his weight and glanced behind him to where the nephilim was walking away

'Well that's just too bad Castiel. Because _Heaven_ needs you, and we're so close to completing the first trial!'

Castiel hesitated, Metatron sighed 'The Winchesters can wait, _this_ cannot'

'But it sounds urgent'

'_This _is urgent. Don't you want to save your home?' Metatron urged

'Of course, but they are my friends'

'The angels are your _family_'

_Cas? Don't ignore me, you stupid angel! If you care about Dean at all, get here, now!_

'I have to go' Castiel said, but before he could disappear, Metatron grabbed his arm

'No, Castiel, what you _have _to do, is stay here and kill the abomination! We're so close!'

Castiel was torn. This was the moment, he knew, the moment when he would decide once and for all who meant more to him. If he chose Metatron, then he would be unlikely to see Sam and Dean again, if he chose the Winchesters, then he would let Heaven down. In a second, he relived his whole life. Heaven was a constant, always there, he remembered life in the garrison, obeying his orders, content with his ignorance. He had been loyal and a good soldier and he had been happy.

And then he met the Winchesters, raising Dean up from perdition, and his whole world was turned upside down. Dean didn't show him the awe that humans usually did, in fact, he insulted him and his kind, with nary a thank you. He was blasphemous and suspicious and crude, but honest, always honest; and good, behind his wall of indifference, he always had a cause and a duty which he followed implicitly, if he owed someone, he owed them for life and would not stop until he felt his debt was paid. In a way, like Castiel himself, a good soldier. But Dean had taught him more than that. A good soldier followed orders, a great soldier did what was right, for the purpose, not for the pleasure of a higher command.

Dean had sacrificed, and given all he had to the cause. Yet still found time to laugh and drink and fornicate, forcing others to 'let go' a little too, despite the serious situations they always seemed to be in, whether he felt it himself of not. And over time, a bond had formed, something rare for the oldest Winchester brother, there was a reliance there now, a trust on both sides that had been earned. Even after Castiel had made terrible choices, Dean was there to pick him up and clean up his mess and reassure him that his intentions had been good, to begin with anyway. Dean wasn't as constant and comforting as Heaven, he was wildly unpredictable and impulsive and forthright and protective, but he was always there for Castiel. Right now, he couldn't exactly say that he was happy. But with the Winchesters he knew he was home.

'I'm sorry' he told the scribe, before he followed Sam's call.

**So... what do you think? Good? Bad? Turnip?**

**Please give me feedback people, I need a reason to write D:**

**This chapter is slightly shorter than the others but I think I ended it in a good place. I wanted a chapter where Castiel has to decide which world means more to him, and I didn't want Cas to make the decision based purely on the urgency of Sam's call although that would be a factor.**

**I hope I got across his character ok**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Phew, another chapter already! I just can't seem to stop!**

**As you probably realise, I changed the title, because I have a new idea for later chapters and thought that this title would be more appropriate :P**

**What do you think?**

**This chapter is dedicated to bani86 because my reviewers are very limited :P**

**Disclaimer as usual, blah, blah**

**Enjoy ^.^**

'What took you so long?!' Sam yelled as soon as the angel appeared. Castiel was taken aback, not expecting this furious reaction.

'I was about to complete the first angel trial. But you needed me more.' he looked around the room 'Where's Dean?'

Sam let out a hollow laugh, void of humour and dropped into a chair . He looked terrible. He was pale and had dark circles under his eyes, which were tinged with red; his hair was tangled as if he had run his hands through it a few too many times.

'Are you all right Sam?' Castiel asked

'I'm fine' he insisted, in the mechanical way the Winchesters always did.

'Tell me what happened.' Sam took in a shaky breath and another tear dropped down his cheek. Castiel was alarmed, it made him think that maybe the worst had happened. Was Dean. . .?

'He's been taken' Sam said 'by Crowley'

'Taken where?' Sam let out a choked noise in the back of his throat before clearing it and replying with an answer that made Castiel's blood run cold

'Hell'

Castiel stepped forward

'Tell me what happened' he demanded, urgently, slapping the table in front of Sam.

So Sam did, he told him everything, trying unsuccessfully to hold back his tears as he remembered the sound of his brothers pain. As he listened, Castiel's face grew tighter, more concerned, and by the end of the tale his jaw was clenched tight.

He too recalled Dean the first time he had raised him from Hell. The effort it had taken, because Dean's soul had resisted, he hadn't believed that he deserved to be saved, hadn't wanted to face the world again, knowing what he had done. That plus his soul had been so broken and damaged that it had been hard to keep hold of, it had felt like holding onto wet soap that was cracked and flayed so badly that it had almost come apart in his hands. How much harder would he be to raise this time, not just his soul but his body too. The risk would increase exponentially, but Castiel knew that he didn't care. He would go down there and he would save Dean from Hell's jaws once again, or he wouldn't re-emerge at all.

'How long has he been captured?'

'Um …' Sam checked his watch 'It's been over six hours now.' Castiel flinched. Seven and a half months of non-stop torture. Dean didn't deserve that, he wasn't even dead yet, Hell had no lawful claim to his soul let alone his body. But Crowley was paying him special attention this time, he would be constantly watching. 'Can you get him out?' Sam looked up at Castiel, the younger Winchester's eyes were full of self-loathing and fear.

Aside from admiring Sam's strength and resolve to do the right thing and leave Dean to Crowley so that Sam could complete the demon trials and rid the world of Crowley and his ilk forever, he was irrationally angry at him for doing so. Had the roles been reversed, Dean would have delivered the tablet and signed the contract within ten minutes of returning to Earth, physically unable to leave his brother in Hell for even a few hours. Castiel berated himself for this ill feeling, after all, he could _see_ how unhappy Sam was. But had it been him … Well... Castiel would have given Crowley everything to keep Dean out of the pit.

At which he hung his head in shame.

It was no wonder that angels scorned humans for their emotions, even the way that _he_ had come to feel emotions at the hands of time with the Winchesters, their lives were too full of loss, anger and constant stimulation for him to remain unaffected. But it wasn't just that. It was the Winchesters themselves. He had come to care for them, not out of a sense of duty but because he enjoyed their company, Dean's especially, with his confusing references and obsession with his car and his rather unhealthy love for pie, mixed with the razor wit and fierce loyalty and defiance in the face of impossible odds as only one who had endured great personal suffering could possess. And Castiel had made himself a friend. No, more than that, more than even a brother, best friend? Perhaps that was the term.

Whatever it was, Castiel was not prepared to lose it.

'I will try' he replied. There was no point in false comfort. It would be a true miracle if he could even enter Hell again, let alone steal it's most valuable prisoner right from under the kings nose. He placed his hand on Sam's shoulder, meeting the watery brown eyes with his own. 'If necessary I will die trying' he continued 'If I make it into the pit, then you have my word as an angel that I will not leave it without your brother'.

Sam nodded, knowing that the oath was true. He placed his hand on top of Castiel's for a second and then stood, face to face.

'Thank you' he said seriously 'If I could go, I would, but...'

'But Crowley will have people watching you and would immediately hear of any rescue attempt by you and would execute Dean without a thought' Castiel finished 'I understand'

'Good luck, Cas' Sam swallowed the lump in his throat 'I'll pray for you'

'As will I' Castiel replied with a quirk of his lip. Sam let out a sound that was almost laughter and managed a fleeting smile. Then, without warning, he pulled the angel into a tight hug. Castiel understood. Whatever it was, he was feeling it too. That he may not return, that this may be the last time he ever saw Sam. He returned the hug and then pulled away after a few seconds, unaware of how long protocol dictated that hugs between a man and an angel who are friends but are mainly connected through a third whom the angel had to rescue from Hell.

Maybe there was no protocol.

After a last nod and one of his peaceful smiles that Bobby had once told him could calm a room, which he used because he had never been more certain that he was doing the right thing.

He disappeared.

Sam watched him go and shed a few more tears. He had a sinking feeling that he had just sent Castiel to his death.

Castiel arrived at one of the portals to Hell, the one that he had used last time. He knew of several others but for some reason, using this one felt right. Although security must have tightened for this portal directly after his last trip, there had been enough confusion and changing in command and ranks in the pit that it was unlikely anyone remembered.

Crowley was not stupid though. He may have heard that he and Dean were no longer acquaintances but he knew that fights hadn't stopped them from helping each other in the past. He only hoped that he would have neglected to ward against angels. After all, what angel would be so exceptionally unintelligent as to attempt to free the most valuable prisoner in Hell from the pit itself? The answer was Castiel, and Castiel alone.

He was fearful, he realised. Beyond those doors was a place that an angel should never be. His last visit had been unpleasant to say the least. So much suffering, many souls there were innocent, trapped there by a deal they had not realised they were making. It was unbelievably difficult to walk past them, knowing the pain that was to come to them.

'Well' Castiel said aloud 'Dean is down there'

That single thought strengthened his resolve and he walked towards the door.

He wouldn't go because of a command from God

He wouldn't go because Sam had asked him to

He wouldn't even go because it was the right thing to do

But he would go for Dean.

**So what do you think? I'm trying to integrate a little more Destiel into this one :P I tried to make it cute!**

**Please give me your thoughts and opinions because I feed on them, and I'm hungry :(**

**I warn you again, there may be a short break between this and the next chapter, my life is interfering with my fandoms again D:**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Well, here we are again :D with another speedy update from yours truly ;)**

**As promised, this chapter is dedicated to Tashiya for her lovely long reviews, thank you ^.^**

**I own nothing :(**

**Enjoy ^.^**

Castiel landed, crouched, one hand on the slick stone floor. The corridor was cold, but there was a pressure in it that made it seem like it was burning. Castiel did not envy the humans here, with their sensitivity to temperature. All he could hear were screams, men, women and children, wailing, screaming, yelling, sobbing and some even laughing hysterically. Castiel pressed his hands to his ears and hissed. It was a horrible sound, the sound of thousands of souls being tortured into madness, the sound of violence and cruelty and malice and all of the things that angels stood against.

He was not meant to be here. Once the initial pain subsided, he straightened up and surveyed his surroundings. Now he had to find Dean in this maze. He wouldn't be in the same torture cell as last time. But as he didn't make a habit to frequent Hell, he had no idea where his best friend _could _be. Or the way to get there. Because of the etchings he had made on Dean's ribs, he couldn't lock on to his soul as he had last time.

Then again, Castiel doubted that his ribs would stay intact for long, Castiel winced at that thought. He had had faint flickerings of Dean's presence over the past couple of hours but had dismissed it as thinking of him, after all, Hell had it's own way of blocking signals, which was why when a soul went there, their spark went out, or at least dimmed. Usually, but since Dean's body was down here too, and now that _he _was down here, he might be able to get a tangible signal, once his ribs were broken of course.

He edged his way along the wall to peer around the corner, no demons. Even if he couldn't get a signal from Dean (and Castiel would be almost thankful that his bones hadn't had to be decimated for him to be saved) then all Castiel had to do was find the most well guarded place in Hell. He stepped out and began to walk. It felt aimless and Castiel was uncomfortable with his exposure, and his less-than-foolproof plan. He was also unhappy with leaving Dean in Crowley's clutches for any longer.

He heard footsteps and ducked into one of the many side tunnels, three demons passed, laughing.

'Did you hear him screaming?' the first said

'How could you not?' The second replied, 'you can hear him from two passages away'

'He almost got me once' the third said with a toss of her hair 'I'm surprised Crowley hasn't killed him yet'

'No' said the second 'they need him for the deal with the other'

'If you ask me, the Winchesters are more trouble than they're worth' the first put in 'Especially that one' he jerked his thumb behind him 'did you see the crowd inside? All the demons he's managed to piss off, taking turns with him' he burst into laughter again. Castiel's fists clenched tightly as he listened, waiting for them to fade from earshot before heading in the direction they had come from. He stepped lightly, making barely any noise. On Earth, he was confident enough to stride purposefully anywhere, but here …

There was something about this place that felt wrong to him. Perhaps the concentration of demons or the sounds of terror that echoed off the stone, or the people that watched him pass with wide, fearful eyes, unsure whether he was a demon or a hallucination or something else entirely. He ignored them as best he could. But when he saw a small girl, covered with welts and bawling in her steel cage, crying to him for help, he took pity and laid his hand on her. Her pain disappeared and she cried in relief. For now.

He turned his head away, trying not to imagine what new horrors awaited her for the rest of eternity. One step, then another. This place was oppressive, the very air seemed to shimmer with malice. It forbade angelic help, any kind of help or relief for it's poor charges. It was like a weight, pressing on him, a weight that had become heavier when he healed the girl. The more 'angel mojo' he used, he knew, the heavier it would become, this place was designed to crush any light like a bug.

Suddenly, a rush of emotion, a flare of light in the darkness, a string that tethered him to the soul he was seeking, to Dean. He grasped hold tight and was instantly there. Or at least close. He hadn't dared to risk appearing in the middle of a room full of demons and Crowley without the slightest knowledge of numbers or even where he was.

It was then that he heard the screams, more heart breaking, gut wrenching and terrible than he had ever heard, it wasn't the sound of pain, it wasn't the sound of torture, it was the sound of a soul being torn to shreds, piece by piece, only to be remade to be torn apart again, and again. And what made it even worse was that he knew that voice, those screams, that soul. He knew them as well as his own, the sound of the agony his friend was in, coupled with the most recent use of his power, sent him gasping to his knees. It was several minutes before the screams stopped for the briefest of seconds and Castiel could struggle back to his feet.

His face contorted as the sounds began again, it was as if he could feel it too, the pain, it hurt him to hear his more than friend like this. He made himself take a step towards the sound, and another, and another until he reached the end of the passage.

Demons, he could sense them. He managed a glance, two of them, guarding a door from which the screams came. He couldn't afford to alert those inside to his presence, and such a small jump shouldn't weaken him too much, he appeared between them and before they had a second to react, his hands were on their heads and he smote them from their vessels with a flash of light.

He managed to lay them down gently so they did not fall and make a noise and then he took a moment to gather his courage and his strength, smiting the demons had taken it's toll and the air pressure seemed heavier than ever. Then Dean let out another sound of pure agony and there was laughter and taunting. He almost ran, he wasn't sure he could bear the sight of his friend in such torment, and he was sure that Dean would not want to be seen by him at his most vulnerable.

But Dean had willingly placed himself in this situation for the greater good, so that Sam could finish the trials and trap all demons in this Godforsaken place. He had done it, knowing exactly what it meant for him, what pain he would have to endure, he had done it because it was right. Dean was strong. So much stronger than Castiel, who had erred and lost sight of what was important in his attempts to complete his own mission. He had forgotten what was right, forgotten what he had been fighting for. But now it was crystal clear in his mind. His cause was Dean, his purpose was Dean, he would face immeasurable odds and give his live and soul for Dean.

Castiel squared his shoulders and faced the thick, wooden door where Dean's screams were coming from.

Fully aware that he didn't want to see what he was about to see, Castiel flung open the doors in order to fight for Dean Winchester.

**So ... what do we think? A little more Destiel right? ;)**

**I wanted to get across their connection from Cas' point of view as emotions are new and confusing for our favourite angel :P**

**I hope I did good :)**

**Please give me feedback, reviews are love and life and souls ;)**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Oh, I'm good to you guys ;) another chapter so soon.**

**This one is dedicated to Pyro42x because of their inspirational and lovely message to me which just made me so happy ^.^ ****So thank you :D**

**WARNING: This chapter contains graphic imagery of violence and torture, so if you are sensitive to that kind of thing then you might want to stop reading**

**I don't own anything Supernatural :(**

**Enjoy ^.^**

The screaming, quivering mass on the rack looked nothing like the Dean Winchester that Castiel knew and cared for. It looked like a slab of meat that had been butchered beyond recognition of ever having been alive, and yet it was, even now it screamed as it was hacked at with knives and cleavers by the laughing demons. For a split second, Castiel could only stare, horrified; while all eyes turned to him.

Surely, this was not Dean, surely he had been misled, it was a trap, it must be. Because his strong, defiant, brave, astounding Dean, could never be reduced to this … whatever this was. But he knew it was true, because in that moment, those familiar, sea green eyes met his, full of such pain and defeat and hopelessness that Castiel's heart filled with an emotion he couldn't name. He wasn't sure he liked this emotion, so he morphed it into anger.

How _dare_ they treat Dean this way?! Dean Winchester was under _his _protection, and Castiel would personally see to it that they were punished, all of them, for even taking the slightest joy in creating the mess before him. Blood stained the walls and the faces of his tormentors a pool of it congealed on the floor under the rack, bits of flesh and bone were strewn throughout the room, flaps of skin that didn't seem to be attached to anything, hung from the metal that chained him.

Castiel had never felt such anger, such pure, unbridled hatred for every being in that room that had so much as _looked_ in Dean's direction. He no longer felt oppressed by the location he was in, or weighed down by the use of his power. He bristled and his wings unfurled in a spike of lightning. He was unconcerned with the demons who ran at him, he brushed them aside with ease, slamming them backwards into a wall, a door, each other, he didn't care.

He could feel his true form begin to outshine his vessel, the Heavenly light adorned him, making him glow with power and righteousness, he walked forwards, slowly. Silence fell as he approached Crowley, the king of Hell, who was the reason for his friend's current state. Although Crowley didn't step away, he did look nervous. But his voice was as slick and grating as ever as he let out an uneasy laugh.

'Ahh, Castiel, so good of you to join us' he said with a smirk. The angel felt his rage building, how could this demon stand there and _joke_?

'You have no claim to Dean Winchesters body or soul' Castiel said, surprised to hear that his own voice was strong and steady. 'You will release him to me. Now.' something flickered in Crowley's eyes but he stood his ground. Castiel had to admit that this demon had strength.

'Actually' he replied 'you'll find I do. You see I made a deal with moose, his brother' he jerked his thumb at Dean. 'And both his body, and his soul were in the terms I set.'

'_Your_ terms.' Castiel emphasised. 'Not his. No contract was signed, no deal was sealed; and the circumstances in which you attempted to make this deal were unlawful in the coercion involved. So I will be taking Dean Winchester. And you will not stop me.' And with that, he turned his back on the king of Hell and took one step towards Dean before Crowley spoke again

'Oh, will I not?'

Castiel half turned to look at Crowley in the eyes, something passed over the demons face and he smirk disappeared.

'No' Castiel said 'you will not.' Crowley raised his hands in surrender as Castiel marched towards him and snagged the angel tablet from inside his coat, 'and I'll take that' he said, stowing it inside his own before he made his way to Dean. Inspecting the damage done, and realising that it was worse than he had feared.

'Good look getting him out of here angel' Crowley spat from behind him 'as soon as he leaves Hell, squirrel will become road-kill. If he even survives the journey.' Castiel didn't reply, but knew he was right. But the fact that he was right angered him even more as he looked into Dean's eyes and saw everything that this precious human being had been through, all of the light, laughter and the love, forgotten. All that remained was pain.

'Close your eyes, Dean' Castiel said softly. The green irises blinked uncomprehendingly. Perhaps he couldn't hear him, perhaps he didn't understand. Castiel felt his power growing within him, rising to the surface, ready to burst out any second. Castiel wrapped his wings around the rack to shield him and placed his hand as gently as he could, over the eyes.

Then, he unleashed his wrath.

He heard the screams of demons as they disintegrated, heard Crowley curse, and the sound gave him a perverted satisfaction. He watched as his light flooded the chamber, scouring it clean of demon filth. When the whole room had been filled, he let go, the light dimmed and they were alone. Unfortunately, it was impossible to tell whether any demons had escaped or not because there was nothing left of them.

Ignoring this, Castiel laid his hand on Dean, only to find that his healing capacities were greatly weakened. It barely did more move a few pieces of skin into position. Even that seemed agonising to Dean. Castiel undid his bonds and caught him when he fell. He too, dropped to the ground and cradled Dean without really knowing why. His wings curled around the both of them as he embraced his greatest friend. Or at least, what was left of him.

He did not dare put him to sleep for fear that he would not wake. Castiel felt helpless. It was all he could do to just sit there and heal him, little by little, until he was strong enough to survive the journey. But they did not have the luxury of time. If Crowley or any of the others had survived then they would be on their way to rally all the forces of Hell down on them. But Dean would not survive the escape in this state, and it would be beyond his power to bring him back. He was useless. What good had he done really? He felt lost. He needed someone to tell him to 'get off his butt and do something', someone who made him believe in himself even when all was lost. He needed Dean. And he had him, now there was a cruel irony.

Castiel let out a bitter laugh and felt something warm on his face. He touched it and looked at his fingers. Water. He frowned, confused, and looked upwards for a leak although he doubted very much that Hell had plumbing. Then it dawned on him. He was crying! He blinked in surprise. This was unheard of. A weeping angel on Earth. Crying not about injustice, or a war between his brothers, or because he was repenting his sins. But because of an _emotion_. A feeling that seemed so deep and part of him that he could not imagine now being without it. And it was wonderful, it was terrible, and it was exhilarating all at the same time. He didn't understand it. But he knew that it was something to do with Dean. Something about the profound bond they shared, something about their souls being connected.

That was it!The thought hit Castiel so strongly and suddenly that it was like flicking on a light bulb. But he was loath to do it. Castiel laid the now reasonably humanoid shape on the floor as gently as he could. Dean moaned and the angel had to grit his teeth together. He then leaned over him and looked him straight in the eyes.

'This is going to hurt Dean' he said 'I am truly sorry', Dean just blinked at him, but there was an understanding mixed with the fear, a familiarity that made Castiel almost smile. Castiel took that for consent and nodded. He then reached into what was left of Dean's stomach cavity with both hands, and pressed. Dean cried out in pain, his raw nerves too sensitive to endure this too. But Castiel persisted, apologising over and over again, hating that he was the one causing Dean to make those sounds, feel this pain. He kept going until he felt it, and he nearly recoiled.

This soul felt worse than Sam's had. It had been flayed alive and twisted and pulled and torn and remade a thousand times over. And Castiel felt more tears fall as Dean screamed, as his soul twitched. Castiel dug deeper, and felt around, trying to gage the best angle, the least painful way, an actual way to hold it without it turning to light and dust in his fingers.

After careful judgement, he finally managed to take hold of the thing. And gently, oh so gently, pulled it out of it's vessel. He cradled it in hands. To him, it was the most precious thing in the universe. As beaten and torn and damaged as it was, it's light still managed to find a way to shine. Then he stood and, gripping Dean's fragile soul tight, he gathered the last of his power, and raised Dean Winchester from perdition once more.

**So what are we thinkin'? Do you like? Hate? Care? :P**

**Please let me know any and all opinions, good or bad. I really appreciate it**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello again :D**

**This is the longest chapter so far xD it took me quite a while to write which is why I'm a little later posting than usual, sorry :P**

**I don't own anything at all ... y'know ... except this particular plot line **

**I dedicate this chapter to ... DearHart :D **

**And an extra thank you to all of my other reviewers and favourites and followers too :D**

**Enjoy ^.^**

When he landed, Castiel immediately opened his hands to check Dean's soul. Now that he had it, he wasn't sure what to do. He had left behind Dean's body, it would have been too heavy for him with the exponential amount of power that he had used. He glanced behind him. He could always go back for it, but if he had survived, Crowley was likely swarming the place by now, he had probably killed Dean's vessel immediately, wondering why the angel had left the very reason it had come, assuming of course that he hadn't noticed the soul was missing.

He sat where he was, on his knees, staring at the beautifully simple and intricately complex light, cradled in his hands. It felt so weak, kept flickering only by the contact it had with the angel.

He only had one idea. A story that he had heard long ago. He had dismissed it as myth, or exaggeration, or lies. But now, it was one of two options, and Castiel did not think that Dean would be very happy if he inserted his soul into another body. His lip turned up at that thought. He entertained the idea of Dean as a large, balding man, or a woman. He laughed at that. He imagined that Dean would spend all of his time looking down at his own chest. Or … alone with himself. He cleared his throat and shook himself to distract from _that _particular image.

Which left him with one. But even that was impossible. Just a story they told in the garrison to pass the time. The story of an angel and a human who died. The two had been connected; lovers in some versions, friends in others, some told it that they had been married and had a nephilim child, others that the human had thought her an imaginary friend throughout childhood until she grew to believe that angels weren't real and lost her faith.

Their genders changed with time. Usually one was a man, the other a woman, sometimes they were both the same. Although in those versions, they were nearly always friends. But in _all_ versions, they were connected. The human died, the manner of death was also debated, some said a fire, some, a demon, some, another angel, all agreed that the death left the body of the human beyond an angels power to heal.

The angel had been so unable to cope with the loss of the human that they had taken the human's soul from it's vessel and used their connection somehow to_ grow a new body_, exactly as the old one had been, and the human had sat up and lived.

Castiel had heard this story many times, many ways, but he had never given it much thought. Until now. Was it possible? Some angels said that it had been a one off, a sign of God's favour; others that it had never happened at all. Castiel had never cared enough to form an opinion on the matter. It made a good tale to tell when idleness set in. But the idea of it having any basis in fact was as unlikely as it was absurd.

But thinking of it now, when he had been in the garrison, he had never even entertained the possibility of a human and an angel ever having such an attachment. But now he thought on it, he had been building a bond with Dean ever since they met. Dean knew him in a way that Sam didn't. He knew exactly what to say to make the angel laugh or feel guilt. They had an … understanding between them.

Dean was loyal to the end and never stopped believing that Castiel would make the right choice. He made Castiel want to be better, good enough to earn Dean's approval. He didn't entirely understand it, but he accepted it as part of himself. He and Dean had been through much together. More than anyone else. Except perhaps Sam. But when Dean was worried about his brother it was Castiel he turned to. Castiel liked feeling needed by Dean. They had confessed their deepest feelings and fears to each other, trusting them with the burden of their concerns. No one could deny their bond.

But even if they were connected enough in order for Castiel to attempt to bring Dean back; he had no idea where to start. Angels couldn't heal the soul of a person. They were far too complex and delicate. But sometimes they could heal themselves, given time and support and connection.

Castiel stared at his friend's soul. Everything that Dean was, everything that he had ever been, everything that he ever could be was in his hand.

Castiel thought back to the stories, a one off, some had said, a sign of God's favour, that he had wanted the human to be saved.

_Well _Castiel thought _God had already shown the Winchesters favour, perhaps he would again. After all, if _any _human on this planet was worth saving, it was Dean Winchester.  
_So Castiel focussed on Dean; All the little things, the insignificant moments that would mean nothing to anyone but him and Dean. The laughs they had shared, when Dean had tried to get him to lay with a woman, teaching him about humanity, about insults, personal space, sleep, driving, cell phones, alcohol and minutes. And emotions. Emotions most of all.

_Don't ever change_

_Thanks Cas_

_I can't do it, Cas, it's too big_

_The last person who looked at me like that, I got laid_

_When humans want something, really bad, they lie_

_Go get her tiger_

_Last time you zapped me someplace, I didn't poop for a week, we're driving_

_It's kinda funny, talking to a messenger of God on a cell phone, it's like watching a Hell's Angel ride a moped_

_You keep a look out for my little brother, okay?_

_Cas, get out of my ass!_

_You are not gonna die a virgin, not on my watch_

_I prayed to you, Cas! Every night!_

_Cas, you okay?_

_I pray to Castiel to get his feathery ass down here_

_Come on Cas, don't be a dick_

_I'm not leaving here without you_

_I was there, where were you?_

_Don't make me lose you too_

_You are like a brother to me!_

_I need you._

As the memories washed over him, Dean's soul began to glow, the more memories he thought of, the more he _felt_ them, the brighter the light became. Until it was as bright as angel light and it spread, it spread to form a figure of white light around the soul in his hands. Castiel watched in amazement, more memories of Dean, flashing in his mind.

Their comfortable silences, the way that Dean seemed to sense him, even before he saw him, the conversations that they could have without speaking. Their perfectly timed glances, the mark on his arm, the way he never let Castiel down, and always forgave him when he made a mistake, the way he ignored his instinct when someone he cared about was in danger, his low feeling of self-worth, despite having proven his value to everyone but himself more than once. His protectiveness of those he considered family. The way he had torn purgatory apart looking for him.

And the way he made Castiel feel. As if getting to know Dean was the best decision he had ever made, even with all that it had entailed. He felt no regrets when he worked with Dean, because he knew that the older Winchester would make the right call. He trusted him more than he trusted anyone. The other angels in the garrison had been cold and unfeeling, willing enough to kill him, despite their numerous battles together, when he sided with the humans. But Dean would help him, even if they had been fighting, even if they were on opposite sides, Dean would always give him a chance to change his mind, he would always offer his hand, even if Castiel did not always take it.

The light was so bright and intense now, obviously in the shape of a human, but it seemed denser, Castiel could feel the light around his hands, as if it were a physical thing. The light itself began to change before his eyes, the glow was different, softer, as the light shaped itself into features, spiky hair, expressive eyes, full lips, strong jaw, broad shoulders, a handprint that fit Castiel's perfectly, a tattoo on the chest, the engraved ribs, muscular arms, calloused hands, a heart, which began to beat, lungs, kidneys, liver, spine, bones, muscle, veins, tendons, blood and skin, all light. Castiel almost had to shield his eyes, but he couldn't bear to look away. Surely this was a miracle, a sign from his father, then he thought again. No. He decided. It was just Dean. Dean always had the ability to surprise him.

The light began to solidify into colour, into texture and flesh around Castiel's hands, and the soul that was in them,The mouth opened and the lungs expanded, the sound of a gasp, a yell, the eyes opened, green, Dean's eyes, the body convulsed and the light faded as Dean lived again, and it was all Castiel could do to stare, to watch in amazement as his friend was re-animated with life. Until he realised that his hands were still holding Dean's soul inside him, which was making him yell. He slowly loosened his hands and pulled out slowly, watching as the hole left behind was automatically filled. And as the last layer of light faded away, Castiel laughed out loud.

**So what do you think? I wanted to get in some of my favourite Dean quotes about Cas :P I hope I managed it well**

**It's an odd little idea but it just popped into my head and I couldn't think of anything else so this is what you got :P**

**Please review to let me know what you think, your opinions are very important to me :)**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Because I felt bad about making you wait ALL DAY for an update I thought I'd give you another chapter for today**

**This one is just a little silly and funny because let's not forget that Supernatural has some really hilarious moments amidst the serious stuff pretty much my entire story has been serious stuff so this is what happened :P**

**This one is pretty Destiel :P**

**This chapter is dedicated to Pyro42x ^.^ thank you for reviewing**

**I don't own any Supernatural characters or their souls :'(**

**Enjoy ^.^**

Dean was lying down; confused, and groaned. He ached all over. He heard something near him and looked towards the sound. It was Cas, he was laughing, which was a rare occurrence in of itself. Dean shook his head fondly at his favourite angel and then noticed something else.

'Hey, Cas?' he asked, nervously. Cas turned to him with that look in his face. The same look he had had when he had told him not to change, that sort of smile that wasn't really a smile bit it looked like one because the joy he felt had reached his eyes.

'Yes Dean?' the angel replied, looking him straight in the eye with a happiness that was innocent and pure, it made Dean want to smile too, but he had more pressing concerns

'Where are my pants?'

Castiel's smile vanished instantly,

'Your … pants' Cas repeated, meeting Dean's eyes once more, looking like a terrified kid who had been told that there was no more pie in the world. His eyes widened and he glanced down before he could help himself.

'Yes Cas' Dean said, slowly 'my pants. You know, those things that people wear to keep their junk from flapping around in public. Where are they?' Castiel shifted uncomfortably and cleared his throat, looking anywhere but at Dean, his pale cheeks tinged with a pink that Dean had never seen before.

As embarrassing as it was to be naked in what appeared to be the middle of a field, and an angel that had just sneaked a peak at his junk, he was flattered that he had caused such a reaction. It was adorable, quite frankly, to see Cas so put-out by something as basic as nakedness. As an angel who had once or twice popped in on Sam and Dean (and once even Bobby) in the shower or on the toilet and continued to talk as though nothing was amiss, he couldn't help but wonder what had changed.

'Your clothes cannot be remade' he said eventually, in his usual, deadpan way. Dean was taken-aback. Then an idea struck him and he sat bolt upright, he stared straight at the angel in front of him, who seemed alarmed by his sudden movement. Dean shuffled backwards slightly and began to gesture with his hands, trying to think of the words, these hand movements seemed to confuse Cas, who was watching him, frowning slightly, looking worried about his friend's mental state.

'Are they … did you … did we?' he managed. Cas just looked at him and shook his head a little, showing his lack of understanding. 'I mean … did we?' He moved his arms frantically. Cas' frown deepened and he looked concerned, and also the tiniest bit … hurt? Oh crap!

'You don't remember?' Castiel said. The story had not mentioned this. Memory loss. Dean had not experienced it the last time he went to Hell. Then again, although his stay had been shorter, it had been far more severe. Cas remembered the feel of his soul in his hand and shuddered. Dean was looking at him, horrified. 'You do remember?' now he was really confused.

'Cas, what did we _do_ last night?' Dean cried. Then he paused 'I was top side … right?' Castiel thought that honesty was the best way to go. It might be better if Dean didn't remember, but Castiel would not lie to him.

'As I recall Dean, you were just 'bottom side' as you say. I only just completed you'

'What?' Dean moaned and put a hand to his head 'Oh God, this can't be happening'

_He must be remembering_ Castiel thought sympathetically. 'Okay' Dean said, taking a few deep breaths. Okay. Well … was I … good?'

Castiel reached forwards to place a hand over the mark on his shoulder and looked directly into his eyes

'You were very brave Dean' he said sincerely 'Given the circumstances you did very well'. Dean just nodded, feeling dazed. He cleared his throat awkwardly, he had to ask

'And, uh, for you, was it? How was it?' Castiel blinked at him

'It was Hell, Dean' the angel replied 'Probably the worst experience of my life. Those sounds you were making...' he trailed off, looking pained. Dean blanched.

'Jeez, Cas' he said 'I'm sorry' Cas cocked his head

'Why?'

'Because you deserve more than that Cas, especially your first time.' The angels frown deepened

'That wasn't my first time Dean' he said 'Exactly how much have you forgotten?'

'I remember the last time we talked about this, you were a virgin! When did _that_ change Cas?'

'I don't understand.' Cas said, looking on the verge of tears he was so confused 'what does my … abstinence have to do with anything?'

Dean paused. 'Okay' he said ' I feel like I'm missing something here. So I'm going to ask you outright. Cas, did we, or did we not have sex?' Castiel's eyes seemed to bug out, his mouth dropped open and his entire face seemed to redden.

'What? No! Dean, no! _What_?' Dean sighed in relief, and the knot of guilt in his stomach was replaced by amusement.

'Well, good. Because, I assure you, if we _had_, then you certainly would not call me the worst experience of your life' Cas just gaped at him, making the occasional, almost squeak, almost growl noise of someone whose brain had ceased to function. He winked, enjoying the angel's obvious discomfort. And then he glanced at his surroundings again

'But, seriously Cas, how did we get here? The last thing I remember was me and Sam were digging up Abbadon's body.'

Castiel managed to compose himself although he felt unnaturally warm

'Yes, well. You were kidnapped by Crowley, and he took you back to Hell.'

'And you saved me again, huh?' Dean grinned, and the world seemed a little brighter, or maybe that was because the sun was coming up. 'My guardian angel.' he had meant it teasingly, but it came out of his mouth with a serious tone that he hadn't expected. He coughed and looked away. 'Anyway' he said. 'Would you be so kind as to zap me into the vicinity of my clothing?'

Cas nodded and they blinked

'Dean!' Sam cried as they appeared in the kitchen of the bunker. His younger brother flung himself on him, causing him to fall back onto the floor.

'I'm sorry Dean' Sam sobbed 'I'm so sorry, but you would never have forgiven me and … why are you naked?' Dean gently pushed his brother away and stood, trying to cover his modesty. . .

'Pants!' he yelled 'Why does nobody understand the need I have for pants! I'm going to get pants. Then we can talk.'

He turned and ran towards his room, but at his door he stopped and looked round to see the others staring at him.

'Don't think I don't see you checking me out Cas' he teased with a wink and a kiss in the direction of the angel. Before disappearing to dress.

Sam was astounded, at the appearance of his naked brother, at the way he seemed so … normal, and was Cas blushing?

'Cas, what happened?' Castiel looked down at Sam, the haunted look in his eyes said it all

'It was bad Sam. Really bad. I had to leave his vessel behind. But I managed to grow him again from his soul.' Sam just stared for a moment and shook his head once

'I'm going to pretend that makes sense' he said 'but what about Dean. He doesn't exactly _look_ like someone who's been to Hell'

'He doesn't remember it' Cas replied 'And I think it's best if it stays that way'

'Dean won't like that' Sam pointed out. Castiel sighed.

'I know'

**So what do you think? A lot of dialogue but I tried to make it funny :P did it work? I just love the image of innocent Cas making not-so-innocent Dean thinking that they had had sex xD**

**Dawww, I love these boys. I just wanna ruffle their hair ... and some other unspeakable things ;)**

**If you could take the time to review, I'd really appreciate it ^.^**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Okay. I know that this is a short chapter, but I was just told today of a family tragedy so I'm a bit out of sorts, sorry. **

**I'll see if I can update again today. Writing might take my mind off it.**

**Usual disclaimer**

**Dedicated to bani86**

**Enjoy anyway ^.^**

When Dean came out of his room, fully clothed, he sat facing Sam at the table. Castiel decided that this was his social cue to sit down also and sat at the head of the table between the brothers.

'So' Dean began. 'I went to Hell, and Cas got me out. What happened to get me there?'

Sam and Cas exchanged looks, finally, Sam spoke

'We think it's best that you don't remember, Dean' he said 'Cas says that it was bad down there. You know what you were like last time'

'Yeah, but I remembered last time' Dean said. 'I need my memories dude'

'Not these memories' Cas insisted

'But -'

'No' Cas' voice was firm, unyielding. Dean peered at him curiously.

'Look Cas,' he said slowly, trying to phrase it properly 'I get that you're trying to protect me. I do. And thank you for that, but if you don't tell me then I'll always wonder, and I can't live like that Cas, I have to know'

'I said no Dean' Dean glared at the angel and then at Sam, his brother would be an easier nut to crack. He held his hands up in surrender

'Alright' he said 'Can I have a moment alone with Sam?' Castiel's eyes narrowed but he nodded

'I'll go and take the angel tablet to Kevin' he said, and vanished.

'Talk Sam.'

'Dean' Sam said placatingly 'Cas is right. You shouldn't remember. Last time it damn near killed you.'

'Okay fine, so I don't need to know what happened in Hell. But I need to know why I was there in the first place' the younger Winchester shifted uncomfortably 'Sam, please' Sam sighed

'We were digging up Abbadon'

'Yeah, I remember that bit, I take it you didn't finish the trial seeing as I managed to get out again'

'She escaped, after I finished sewing her back up. I don't know how she did it, but she managed to get the bullet out. I was only out of the room for a minute...' he trailed off 'I'm sorry, Dean'

'Why are you sorry?'

'Because that means that I left you in Hell for nothing' Dean blinked and leaned forwards

'Wait. You _left _me there?' Sam winced at the anger and hurt in his brothers voice

'Kind of' he hedged 'Look, Crowley kidnapped us and tied us up in this warehouse or something. He wanted to use you to get me to sign a contract saying that we'd give up on the trials and give him both halves of the demon tablet. He... he tortured you, in front of me.' He trailed off, and squeezed his eyes shut. Then he composed himself and met his brothers eyes again

'But you kept telling me not to give in to him. So I didn't. And he said that he was going to take you back to Hell for twenty four hours until I gave him what he wanted. When time ran out he was going to... to kill you and take you soul and keep it in Hell, forever. Then he let me go so I could get the tablet. But you told me not to. You told me to run and not look back.' tears began to fall 'so I decided to finish the final trial. For you. But then she escaped and it was all for nothing' with that, Sam put his face in his hands and sobbed. Dean just sat there in shock. Trying to absorb everything.

'And Cas?' Sam wiped his eyes and looked up

'After five hours, Crowley called. He said that it had been six months for you down there and he made me listen while they …' he paused, unable to go on 'But you still told me not to give in, even with what they were doing. I just … I couldn't just sit there and finish the trial, knowing what you were going through, so I called Cas and he came.'

'Of course I came' Cas said as he reappeared as was his wont 'I wasn't going to leave you to Crowley. I got you out, and now you're fine. That's all you need to know.'

Dean nodded and didn't push it. But there was an uncomfortable feeling in his gut that made him want to know everything, no matter how painful it would be to remember. He plastered a fake smile on his face and leaned back nonchalantly in his chair

'And to think, I thought I'd just gone out on the piss and had sex with you Cas' he said 'When you were really saving my ass all along'

'Wait, what?' Sam said as Cas turned pink again and studied the floor

'Well I woke up naked in the middle of a field with _him_ next to me and a killer headache, what was I supposed to think?'

Sam laughed and shook his head in amused disbelief.

'Of course, _you'd_ think that' he said with a grin. 'It looks as if Cas wouldn't complain' he teased as the angel shuffled his feet and grumbled something intelligible about ungrateful humans and inequity.

Dean laughed along, but vowed to have a word with Castiel the first chance he got. He needed to know more.

**See. I told you it was short. **

**What do you think? Let me know**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**So, here is a reasonably sized chapter for you. I hope you like it.**

**This chapter has quite a lot of Destiel hints :P**

**Disclaimer applies**

**Dedicated to Tashiya :)**

**Enjoy ^.^**

A few days later, Sam went on a supply run. Dean made him promise that he wouldn't return without pie. Which he thought would keep him occupied for a while seeing as how pie was becoming an endangered species. Then he cornered the angel by the TV.

'Cas, a word' he said, standing right in Cas' line of vision.

'Technically it isn't a word. It's a nickname' Castiel replied, looking up at Dean from his place on the sofa, Dean sighed. 'I mean. Can we talk?'

'Of course. I take it that this will be a standing conversation.' he stood, which made the two men almost nose to nose. Dean took a small step backwards to regain his personal space 'What do you want to talk about?'

'I want you to make me remember' Dean said bluntly, no point in subtlety with a socially awkward angel. Cas shook his head

'Dean, we've discussed this-'

'-No, _you_ discussed this'

'Those memories could damage you' he continued, ignoring the interruption

'Well too freaking late, I'm already broken'

'That's not true!' Cas had stepped forwards and firmly gripped hold of both Dean's shoulders 'You stopped the apocalypse, you found a way to bring Sam back from Lucifer's cage, you survived purgatory, found _me_ although I didn't want to be found and discovered a way to leave, you spend your life fighting evil, you stand up for everything you hold dear and you _never_ let it go. That's very far from broken Dean.' he said sternly, not breaking eye contact.

'Which means that I can handle it'

'I can't take that chance!' Cas yelled back. Dean didn't think he'd ever seen Cas this emotional, except for maybe the time when he had thought he was going to say 'yes' to Michael and had slammed him against a wall. Which had hurt like a bitch with his angel strength. Castiel let go of his shoulders and ran a hand over his own face. 'What difference does it make anyway?' he continued in a calmer tone, 'you already know what happened. Why would you choose to relive it?'

'Because knowing isn't the same as _feeling, _Cas' Dean said. I know that I should thank you for saving me, but how can I feel grateful without knowing what you saved me from?'

'I saved you from Crowley. You know exactly what he can do. And I don't need your gratitude. You can thank me by staying safe.' Dean took the tiniest step closer

''Safe' isn't really an option in this job, Cas', Castiel looked at him. Really looked. Dean was surprised by the intensity of his stare.

'We are bound now, you and I' he said, in that annoyingly wise voice he used sometimes 'and I am still your guardian. I will keep you safe'

'Bound? What does that mean?' Cas just tilted his head and did that little not-smile thing he did

'Just know that we are now unbreakable Dean Winchester' he said 'I will always be there for you when you call'

'I thought we were anyway' Dean muttered, 'and what does this have to do with my memories?'

'If I restore them, I cannot guarantee your well-being' Cas answered sternly 'I will not put you in danger like that.'

'But I'm asking you to'

'Well don't!' the angel snapped, angry again 'I'm doing this for your own good, Dean!'

'When have I _ever _done _anything_ for my own good, Cas?' Dean replied heatedly. There was suddenly sadness in Castiel's eyes, and pain. Then he blinked and it was gone.

'Well if you won't let it go for yourself, then do it for me.' he said 'I implore you Dean. As a friend. Do not do this to me.' Dean frowned

'Does it screw with your mojo or something?'

'Something like that'

'Well, what?'

'I can't …' Castiel began, sitting down heavily on the couch behind him, his head in his hands. 'I can't watch you go through that again' he mumbled 'I can't see you in that pain. I just can't do it. Please don't ask me to.'

Dean closed his mouth and swallowed awkwardly. How did one go about comforting an angel? After a moment, Dean sat down next to Cas and placed a hand on his shoulder

'Hey' he said 'look at me'. Hesitantly, Castiel lifted his eyes to meet Dean's, they looked scared. Like a child on the verge of crying. 'I'm fine. Thanks to you. And you didn't put me through all that crap. Crowley did. You _saved_ me, Cas. In more ways than one' he knew it was true. Right from when they had first met, Castiel had helped him through all of his emotional crap as well as being his physical backup; he wouldn't be there without Cas, not really, even if some other angel had saved him from the pit.

Cas just blinked at him, appearing to drink in every word. Dean coughed nervously 'Anyway.' he continued 'I know that I don't need to explain myself to you, because you understand. Even when Sam doesn't. And I _know_ that you know why I have to remember. And I also know that you can be strong for me, when I need you. Because I _will_ need you, Cas. To help me through this.'

Castiel wavered. He understood, he _did_. But he almost wished that he didn't. He didn't want to see Dean in that state again, for even a second. And it might take several minutes before he gained control of his memories again. If.

Dean saw his hesitation 'If I _had_ remembered, would you have taken the memories away?' he asked

'If you asked me to, yes' was the immediate response.

'Well, now I'm asking you to do the opposite. I need to know it, Cas. I need to feel it. Please.'

Castiel licked his lips and looked around the room for no particular reason. When his eyes fell back on Dean's, he saw defeat. He nodded and raised two trembling fingers

'Are you sure?' he asked, one last time. Praying that Dean would change his mind. All he got was a firm nod.

'I'm sure.'

Castiel took a deep breath, and placed his fingers on Dean's temple.

The effect was immediate. Dean screamed and fell to the floor, convulsing with pain. Castiel fought against the images in his own mind and scooped his friend up to take him to his room. He laid dean on the bed and sat cross-legged at the head, waiting for Dean to calm down. A few seconds of thrashing and screaming was too much for Cas to handle, so he placed Dean's head in his lap and began to stroke his hair gently. A tear fell from his eye as he watched his more than friend writhe in pain that he could not heal.

'Shhhh' he said softly as he stroked with one hand, and tried to hold his torso down with the other without leaning over too much to affect Dean's breathing. 'Shhhh, Dean. It's okay' he whispered 'It's all going to be okay. I'm here for you. I'm always here for you. Shhh.' after a minute or so, Dean seemed to calm. He stopped thrashing and stilled. His breathing deepened and he slept. Castiel didn't move. He kept stroking Dean's hair. He wasn't going to leave him for an instant. Not again. He would be a proper guardian this time, he vowed. He would be strong. Because Dean needed him to be.

**So what do you think? Cute right? ^.^ sorry about any mistakes but it's 2am and I'm tired :P**

**Please let me know :)**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	13. Chapter 13

**Ok ... it's been a couple of days since my last update ... I'm sorry! But I got kinda stuck with this one and needed to take a 2 day break to re-watch the first 2 seasons of Supernatural (yeah, I watched them in 2 days ... slightly obsessed)**

**This one is for Tashiya who gave me a lot of advice and pointers in how to improve ^.^ I hope I can make you fall back in love with destiel! And I hope this is better :), thank you :D**

**Disclaimer as per usual, I own nothing, blah, blah, blah**

**Enjoy ^.^**

Sam came home to find Dean asleep in Castiel's lap.

'What happened?' he asked quietly after dumping all the shopping bags on the table and setting the pie (which had taken him no less than four stores to find) on the side. Castiel stopped his ministrations on Dean's hair and looked at Sam, leaning in the door jamb.

Sam felt uneasy. That was the look of guilty Cas, or at least, a Cas who knew he had done something wrong. 'Cas' he said sternly 'what did you do'

'I … restored his memories' Cas answered, looking down at the sleeping figure 'he made a very convincing argument' Sam sighed and turned away to run a hand through his hair.

'Of course he did' he whispered angrily 'he's_ Dean_. He has an unnatural ability to talk his way into getting laid!' Castiel cocked his head

'I don't see how that is relevant' he said.

'I _mean_ that he can convince people to do things for him.' Sam clarified. 'How did he take it?'

'About as well as could be expected. He fell asleep after a while'

'Yeah, I can see that' Sam said sardonically, gazing fondly at his older brother. He never looked peaceful, Sam realised, even asleep he had this frown on his face and he twitched every so often. 'Well. What's done is done and we'll have to deal with it.' Castiel nodded thoughtfully and resumed stroking his hair

'I heard that this was comforting' he explained when Sam looked at him questioningly 'I think he will be alright. He's stronger than the both of us' Sam let out a breathy laugh through his nose

'Yeah, you got that right' he turned to leave and then looked back. 'You coming?' Castiel shook his head, smiling softly

'I don't want to wake him' he said. Sam shrugged and made his way to the kitchen where he started putting the food away. All except the pie, which he left out for when Dean woke up. After a few minutes, Cas appeared beside him, making him jump. 'He won't wake up for a while' he said. He too grabbed a bag and started unpacking. Sam sighed and showed him where things went. Cas didn't understand yet why not everything could go in the fridge.

_XXX_

Several hours later, Cas reported that Dean was beginning to stir. Sam rushed to the room and helped his brother to sit up. Dean had one hand pressed to his forehead, groaning. Castiel popped back for some aspirin and a glass of water which he gave to Dean who took it, trembling. Cas then placed the glass on the side table and stood back, allowing the brothers a moment.

'Dean' Sam said in relief 'Are you okay?'

'Never better Sammy' Dean replied in a tone dripping with sarcasm, as was his default coping mechanism. 'My head hurts like a bitch'. Sam managed to crack a smile

'I'm not surprised' he said. Then he turned serious 'What do you remember?' Dean met his brother's eyes

'Everything'

'I'm sorry, Dean' Castiel interjected. The hunter looked up at him with a small smile

'Don't be.' He turned to his brother 'Hey, Sammy, could you get me some of that pie you promised?' Sam nodded and stood to leave, but hesitated at the door

'Are you sure you're okay?'

'Bring me pie Sammy! _Then_ I'll be okay'

'Right' He glanced between the angel and the man on the bed and left

Once he was out of earshot, Dean turned back to the angel.

'So what happened?'

Castiel frowned

'I thought you said …'

'I do. Right up until you cut me loose. And then you laid me down and started apologising to me. And then you sort of reached inside me. And that's it.'

'That pretty much covers it'

'What did you do to me, Cas? I mean, I was …' he took a steadying breath 'I was nothing but a slab of meat. How the hell did you get me back …' he gestured to himself 'whole? There's not a scratch on me. Except...' he pointed to his shoulder.

'I was reaching inside to take your soul' Castiel explained patiently. Dean's body jerked upright, and he looked at Castiel in horror

'You mean to say that you … you_ took_ my _soul_?' he emphasised. Castiel nodded. Then, seeing that Dean was about to protest, held up a hand to stop him

'Let me finish Dean. Your body was too badly damaged, you never would have survived the journey. But I could take something smaller, so I chose to take your essence. When we made it back I thought on a tale I had heard in the garrison. More of a myth really. But I managed to regrow your body from the … connection we share and from your soul. Which …' he said, tilting his head 'now that I think about it, was probably why you woke up with no clothes on. I think because your clothes are technically not a part of you, they did not reform.'

Dean sat back, stunned

'So... I'm a 'grow your own boyfriend', huh?' Castiel just stared frowned in confusion

'I wasn't aware that we were … as you say 'dating'' he said, using finger quotations. Dean just raised an eyebrow and shook his head

'Never mind, Cas' he said. 'But what did you mean by our connection? That sounds creepy dude'

'I meant our bond' Castiel clarified 'The fact that I am your guardian and that we are friends' he said that last word with a small smile. That word always brought him joy to use in this context. Dean huffed and nodded. 'So … I'm all intact, right? No major parts missing?' Cas chuckled

'No, you're fine. Physically at least. Just …'

'What?'

'Well. The last time I raised you from Hell, I left a mark.' he nodded towards Dean's shoulder 'It's likely that this time I did too.' Dean shook his head.

'I already checked. No new handprints anywhere.' he grinned 'I think I'm clear.' he grinned. Castiel took in a breath and sat on the edge of the bed

'It's not in a place that you can _see_' he said. 'Last time, I lifted you out by your arm. This time I took you by your soul, so …'

'So … your handprint is on my _soul_?' Dean asked incredulously. Castiel just nodded. 'Wow. Marked by an angel twice, huh? Lucky me'

'It shouldn't affect you Dean' Castiel said earnestly, turning to look at him 'It's just another scar.'

'Well, God knows I have plenty of 'em' the hunter joked. There was a pause. Sam was obviously deliberately staying away so they could talk. It didn't take that long to grab pie.

'How are you coping with the memories, Dean?' the angel asked. 'I could always …'

'No.' Dean said firmly 'No, I'm fine. I can deal. I wanna keep them.' Castiel just nodded uncomfortably. He didn't want Dean to remember the pain he had been through.

'Hey, Cas?' Dean said tentatively. He swung his legs over the side of the bed so that they were sitting next to each other, looking down at their knees

'Yes, Dean?' the hunter took a breath

'I need to thank you. For what you did for me down there.' He swallowed 'You must've really drained your batteries, dude.'

'You are welcome, Dean.' was all Cas said

'You were like, the terminator for a moment there' Dean continued. Amusement glinted in the angel's eye and seeped into his voice.

'Thats one of those reference things, isn't it?' Dean just laughed and pushed him gently

'You're hopeless' he said fondly.

Sam made a loud noise outside the door and came clattering in with pie. Dean turned and his entire fact lit up. Sam looked confused as he handed the pastry to his brother with a fork. Dean speared some and raised it to his mouth.

'Mmm, baby, you taste so good' he moaned at the delicious, flaky goodness

Sam and Castiel shared a look. Both feeling like they were intruding on an incredibly private moment.

After a few seconds of looking disturbed, both Castiel and Sam backed slowly to the door

'That's so not healthy, dude' Sam muttered as they left Dean alone with his pie.

**So what do you think? Do you get why I changed the title now? Plus, this title sounds better than 'An Absent Angel' anyway xD**

**I tried to make it cute but subtle ... did I succeed**

**Please let me know opinions, criticisms, praises, anything :)**

**All advice is appreciated ^.^**

**Ok, I should probably sleep now seeing as it's 3am in England and I'm really tired xD**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello lovely fandom ^.^ chapter 14 is here. This story is a lot longer that I was expecting it to be. But I daresay I can figure out how to drag it on and attatch plot :P**

**This one concentrates more on Sam's point of view because Tashiya advised me not to forget the characters other than destiel xD**

**This chapter is dedicated to bani86 for the continuous support, thank you :D**

**I don't own anything**

**Enjoy ^.^**

'So' Sam said slowly as Castiel caught him up while Dean was still inhaling pie in his room 'Dean has your handprint on his soul?'

'That's correct' Cas clarified. Sam sighed and and rubbed his temple as he tried to ward off a headache. This was just too much

'And you re-grew him?'

'Yes'

'Dude, that's just weird'.

'I agree, it is weird'. Cas confirmed.

'Will it affect him?' Sam asked 'The handprint I mean' Cas just shrugged

'I have no idea.' he said honestly, glancing towards the door to Dean's room 'I've only heard of one other case of this happening but it was just a story we told in the garrison. I don't know if it even happened. And if it did, it was centuries ago.'

'I could look it up I suppose' Sam said thoughtfully, pulling his laptop towards him

'I doubt that google will know' Cas said, tilting his head, the angel still hadn't fully grasped the internet yet.

'Trust me, Cas. If anyone knows, google will know.'

'I don't understand'

'Never mind' Sam waved a hand in dismissal. He didn't want to go through this again. Last time he had tried to explain computers and the internet to the socially awkward angel, he had ended up destroying a perfectly good laptop because Dean had gotten tired of the technobabble and intervened by telling Cas that it worked by magic. He typed in some keywords 'soul' 'angel' 'regrowth of body' 'lore' and pressed enter.

He scrolled through a few pages before finding a promising website. He scanned it and turned the laptop to show Castiel. 'Is this the story you heard?' he asked.

Castiel peered at the screen

'That was one version of it' he said, nodding

'There were others?'

'It was always the same story, a human and an angel with a profound connection, the human died, their body was so mangled it could not be healed and the angel used their bond to grow a new vessel, exactly the same as before, and the human lived.'

'Any specifics?' Sam looked up hopefully. He really wanted to find out what they were dealing with here. He hated to have unanswered questions especially about things that directly affected him and his brother. He wanted to know if this handprint could be harmful to either Cas or Dean, or even useful. The more details Cas could give him, the more he could narrow down the search.

'The specifics were always changing Sam. Who the human was, who the angel was, how the human died, what happened afterwards, each angel would change it in the telling to make it a better story. Who knows where it began?'

Sam pursed his lips

'Great' he said sarcastically, he scratched his head 'God, I wish Bobby were here. He might've known something'

'Something about what?' Dean said as he emerged from his room, an empty pie tray in his hand and a disturbing smile on his face. Sam raised an eyebrow

'I've said it before, dude. You love pie _way _too much' Dean grinned as he threw the tray into the trash

'You guys left me alone, I just had a great opportunity to-'

'Gross, Dean. Please, just stop talking' Sam almost gagged at the images that came to mind. Who knew how far Dean would go with his beloved pie? He really didn't want to know. Cas cocked his head

'What's gross?' he asked, curiously. Sam and Dean traded amused looks. Cas really was clueless sometimes. Dean just laughed and patted the angel on the shoulder

'You're so innocent' was all he said before plonking down into the empty chair that Cas was standing next to 'So what are we looking at?'.

Sam's lips twitched at the pure confusion on Castiel's face but then looked at Dean

'Possibly, the origin to the story that Cas heard. About regrowing a body.'

'Dude, this is really vague, like all it says is that the human was a woman. We know all the rest.'

'Scroll down' Sam said 'Look at the stuff that happened _after_.'

He gauged his brothers reaction as he read, swallowing nervously. Aside from the slight widening of his eyes, Dean showed nothing. But that was hardly surprising. Dean met his eyes briefly before re-reading the paragraph

'Seriously?' was all he said when he'd finished. He sat back and ran a hand through his hair.

'What is it?' Cas asked, looking between the brothers. Sam looked to Dean, but he made no move to explain so Sam spun the laptop around and paraphrased

'Basically, there are loads of different versions. And we can't be sure, but there are a couple of main points that keep cropping up. One, that the angel passes his powers into the humans soul and makes the human … well, almost angel. Maybe even full on angel. But in doing so it drains the angel of all his power and eventually …' he paused, not meeting Cas' eyes 'he dies'

Sam coughed to clear his throat before carrying on 'Another is that the power can be shared equally, or there could be some kind of mental connection between them that forms, or that the human only absorbs a short extra time of life, or that nothing happens at all, one even says that the human was instantly transformed into an angel but' he glanced at Dean 'I don't think that's the case. Thing is, there are dozens of ideas and no one actually _knows _so …' he trailed off. Finally looking up at Cas, nervously. It wasn't exactly fun telling a good friend that he might be dying after all.

Castiel looked calm, but then again, he always did.

'So basically, prepare for everything and we still have no damn clue!' Dean said heatedly. He turned to look up at Cas 'This could all just be crap, you know' he said. Castiel just smiled gently

'We'll just have to wait and see' he said.

'Cas' Dean put in, standing up to face the angel 'Sam's right. We need to find out everything we can about this whole handprint thing. I mean, it could be killing you!'

'Or it could be harmless' Castiel pointed out 'We won't know until something happens.'

'But by then it could be too late!' Dean argued

'We'll figure something out' Sam said placatingly 'Right, Cas?'

'Last minute solutions do seem to be our speciality' The angel said with a smile. 'We just need to keep a close eye on any possible symptoms'.

_Castiel_

Castiel frowned slightly and cocked his head,

'Cas?' Dean said

_Castiel where are you? You have some explaining to do_

'Metatron' he muttered 'I have to go'

And he was gone.

'That reminds me' Dean said to his brother 'The third demon trial. We need to find Abbadon.'

'She could be anywhere by now' Sam said with a sigh. 'Why don't you just take it easy for a bit?' Dean raised an eyebrow

'And why would I want to do that?' he asked. Sam made one of his 'seriously' faces.

'Oh, I don't know, Dean. Maybe because you just remembered _Hell_.' If Sam didn't know his brother as well as he did, then he would have missed the slight twitch he made before he covered it with a grin

'It's never stopped me before' he said. Going over to the door to grab his jacket 'I'm gonna go and see if I can find her trail.'

'Dean' Sam said, turning in his chair, he didn't want Dean doing anything right now, not until they figured out what this whole handprint thing was. But Dean was right, they did have to complete the trials.

'I'll call you if I find anything' was all he said before the door slammed.

Sam sighed and closed his laptop.

They had been so close to normal.

**So what do you think? Any opinions, good or bad?**

**All feedback is welcome :D**

**Let me know**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	15. Chapter 15

**Here you go guys :) the next chapter**

**A little more plot to this one, hopefully. And Hell from Dean's point of view. **

**This is quite a long chapter and I'm honestly not too sure about it :/**

**Dedicated to xxxDrSpencerReidxxx, thank you for your review ^.^**

**I own nothing**

**Enjoy :D**

Dean stomped around the barn where Abbadon had been Frankensteined back together. There weren't any discernible tracks or a followable trail. Just the occasional smear of blood and dirt and the bloody devils trap bullet by the door. He hadn't expected there to be anything else really. And even if there had been, it would be a bad idea to go after her alone. If he was being honest he just wanted some time to himself, where he could think properly without Sam coming in and trying to be helpful with his puppy dog eyes and concern. He allowed his game face to slip. Between the blood and pain there had been light, a light that he knew was Cas. He would never forget the look on Cas' face when he had burst in and met his eyes.

Cas had seen him at his weakest. He always did. It wasn't Sammy or Bobby or Lisa or Jo. It was Cas. It was always Cas that he didn't have to pretend around, didn't have to worry about freaking out (because let's face it, Cas' panic face was hilarious). He felt sorry for the guy. It's not like he didn't have his own crap to deal with, what with these angel trials or whatever that he had to do, although it wouldn't kill him to hang around and help him and Sam with the third demon trial. He gazed out at the road and his baby.

These trials were a pain in the ass. And he had a bad feeling about this last one. It was nothing concrete but watching Sam's reaction to the second trial in particular worried him. What would the completion of the last trial do to him? Dean frowned and worried at his lip. He wished it would have been him. He'd do anything to trade places with Sam. Then he wouldn't be burdened with this mess, he'd just do the damn task and bear the consequences. Maybe it was selfish of him to think of putting Sam through the fear that Dean was going through now but he didn't really care. He was the big brother. It was _his _job to protect Sammy. That had been the one thing that remained the same for him growing up, no matter what motel they were in, or what monster dad was facing, or what school they went to, that rule was his constant.

_Look after Sammy_.

It was ingrained into him, like how to drive his baby or how to shoot a gun. He had to look after Sam. No matter the cost. So the fact that Sam would miss him was irrelevant, the fact that he would worry and fret was irrelevant. As long as he was safe. Besides, if any of them deserved to see this whole thing through it was Sam. He had the chance of a future, a normal life, the kind of life that he always wanted. Dean didn't. He would keep hunting until he was dead. There was nothing else for him. Once the war was over, he'd keep fighting just because he'd wouldn't know to do anything else. Sam could find a nice girl and have a family and a home and a mortgage and a white picket fence, apple pie _safe_ life. It was Dean's fault that he had given that up in the first place. He'd give anything for the chance to set it right. Yes. Sam deserved to live in a world that wasn't plagued by demons and ghosts. Just one more trial to go. Maybe Sam would be fine, if they finally did find Abbadon, or any other demon for that matter, maybe the gates of Hell would close and Sam would be fine.

Somehow, he didn't think so. Things were never that simple with them. He remembered what he had told Sam when he had tried to kill the hellhound

_'We both know where this ends, one of us dies!'_

Then again. The Winchesters did have a habit of coming back from the dead. So even if this thing _did_ kill Sam, then his chances of coming back were pretty good. Especially if he made a deal. Crowley would kill to get his hands on Dean's soul once and for all. The Winchester who caused the most trouble. For Dean's soul, Sam would be fine. And Dean would go back to Hell. Where he arguably belonged.

He was still haunted by the things he did the first time round. All those souls he'd torn apart. He'd heard them beg, plead and his time on Earth had been forgotten, his purpose to protect had been forgotten. And he'd relished in their screams. And he hated himself for it. Maybe that was one of the reasons that he had told Sam to leave him there. That and he wanted Crowley and all of his evil cronies to be stuck in Hell until the end of time.

Assuming Crowley was still kicking of course. Cas had blown the holy Hell out of that place. Pun intended. He sometimes forgot how badass the angel could be, because for every time he'd save his life or smite a demon, he'd look confusedly at the television, or tilt his head or show up butt naked on his car covered with bees. Dean still hadn't forgiven him for that one. He'd cleaned his baby thoroughly after that particular episode. Twice.

But seeing Cas there, in Hell, there to save him, again. There, not because God had ordered it, but because Sam had asked him to and because he cared. And the way Cas looked at him sometimes, like he could see right through him (possibly because of the whole mind-reading thing), and when he looked at him in pure admiration, usually when he'd just done something stupidly awesome, he made Dean feel like he was worth something. Like maybe, he deserved to be saved.

And when he had seen Cas blow through that door and just walk up to Crowley, glowing, flicking aside demons like they were nothing, and _scold_ the king of Hell over legalities, and the demons around him had stopped hacking and carving and Dean had been fuzzy but he had felt something the instant he met the angels eyes, it was only later, now he thought back on it and was actually aware of what had happened that he could put a name to it. It had been a warmth in his chest, a pleasant warmth, not the fire he had been subjected to. He had felt safe. Like things were going to be okay. Cas would _make _them okay; because that's what he did. Despite the mistakes he made and the wrong paths and bullshit choices, he always fixed things. For Dean in particular.

And then Cas was walking towards him, and then he wasn't but looking back at Crowley to say something that wiped the smug smirk right off of that jerk's face. When Cas faced him again, for the briefest second his face had been dangerous. More than that, downright scary. He _never_ wanted Cas to look at him like that. If that was the face he used on Crowley, no wonder the king just surrendered. Then his expression had softened, and Cas was next to him, speaking, but he hadn't understood. Then his vision went black and he felt Cas' hand on his face and something else. A presence surrounding him. It was Cas but it wasn't. Like, it was _more_ than Cas.

Dean shook himself. He'd have to ask Cas about that. Some kind of angel mojo he assumed.

He'd gotten off topic. The final trial. He needed to do something. It might not be a bad thing that Abbadon had escaped. She'd probably stay away, at least for a while. And when she came they could handle her. But not having a demon to cure would give Dean the chance to try talking Sam out of it. Or at least find something else. It's not that he didn't trust Sam to handle the trials. He just thought that this was the kind of thing that drained someone's life force. It was almost like a spell and Sam was the sacrifice. He couldn't let that happen. But how could he stop it? The gates of Hell still needed sealing. And they were so close to ending it. Dean ran a hand through his hair and inhaled deeply. Thinking. Then, on impulse he strolled towards the impala and opened up the trunk, looking at the arsenal inside. Well stocked. He was almost disappointed he wouldn't have to go back to the bunker.

He got in and began to drive.

After about an hour on the road he called Sam

'Hey, Sam'

'Dean, find anything?'

'Kinda' he hedged, taking a left

'What does that mean?' Sam's voice sounded frustrated, he often did on the phone, he told Dean once that he didn't like phone calls with Dean because he always sounded far away and they usually meant bad news anyway (he'd been drunk for that particular confession).

'I mean I found a lead on something and I'm going to check it out'

'Abbadon?' Dean paused.

'No, Sammy, something else.'

'Something else?' he sounded disbelieving 'What else? Dean, there isn't anything else!'

'Yeah, well, there is now, okay?' Dean bit back 'So I'm just gonna check it out and I'll get back to you. Might take a while.'

'Dean, no. I need you on this'

'This is important Sam!'

'Is it about Cas?'

'No'

'Is it about the trials?'

'Yes. Yes it is. So just. . . just stay put for a bit, okay? Don't go looking for Abbadon and I'll let you know what I find. Please.'

'Dean-' he hung up.

He blinked hard as he drove away from the bunker. From his room. The only room he'd ever had to himself. The only place he'd ever really felt settled. Away from his brother, who would _not _just sit tight and wait for him to call. Not for long anyway. But it wasn't like he'd left any clues, this wasn't exactly a _plan_ after all. It was more of an instict. And he had to act on it.

_Look after Sammy_.

**So ... opinions? Like I said I'm really not sure about the ending to this one. It advances the plot put I'm not sure I wrote it well.**

**But you can be the judges of that I suppose.**

**What do you think?**

**Let me know**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	16. Chapter 16

**Here you go ^.^ another chapter.**

**I struggled a little with this one too**

**AND I CHANGED THINGS IN CHAPTERS 8 AND 11! **

**You might wanna go back and check but basically, Cas stole the angel tablet back from Crowley while he was in Hell and took it to Kevin. I literally only added in a sentence or two :P but it's important, otherwise the story makes no sense.**

**This one is dedicated to jdluvva, thanks again for your review :D**

**I own nothing :(**

**Enjoy ^.^**

Castiel appeared in the park, where he had left. Metatron was fuming

'She's _gone_!' He yelled as soon as Castiel touched down 'She realised she was being followed and she just upped and left! It'll take us _weeks_ to find her again! Maybe longer now she knows we're after her! We could have ended it last night but no! _You_, just had to go because the Winchesters wanted to chat!'

Castiel let him rant, the scribe had a right to be angry after all, he _had_ just left him in the middle of a trial and now he was further away from closing the gates of Heaven.

'You let Heaven down Castiel' he continued 'Don't you _want_ you family to sort things out? Do you _want _the Earth to burn as collateral?'

'I'm sorry' Castiel said sincerely. 'But the Winchesters needed me and I am still their guardian.'

'The world is bigger than the Winchesters' Metatron snapped back 'Thanks to them, we have to start over and find the abomination, quickly' He turned and began to stride away

'I'm afraid I can't' Metatron stopped dead in his tracks and turned slowly to face his brother

'What?' he said, in a low voice

'The Winchesters are about to complete the final demon trial' Castiel explained earnestly 'They could use my help. Once the demons are out of the way it will be easier to close the gates of Heaven with the Winchesters helping us' Metatron sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

'Castiel, the sooner we do this the better. Leave the Winchesters to sort out the demons whilst we sort out the angels. When both gates are closed, it will be over and we can clean up the mess dad left us in. That is what we _want,_ right?' there was a pause

'Of course' Castiel said slowly. He was thinking back over his argument with Dean. The hunter had been right 'But we are on the same side as the Winchesters. We're working towards the same goal and we will achieve more together.' Metatron shook his head

'We work faster by ourselves, Castiel, they cannot move as we can, they will only slow us down.' Castiel frowned.

'I understand' he said. 'But I don't agree. I will aid the Winchesters. If you want the angel trials done sooner, find another angel.'

Metatron held up his hands

'Very well. But when more of our brothers and sisters die, don't blame me! Come and find me when you change your mind' and he was gone.

Castiel hung his head. Maybe he _was_ dooming his family by not completing the trials. But the Winchesters needed him too. He and Dean needed to figure out what the mark on his soul could mean as well as shut the gates of Hell forever. After all, if they helped him and Metatron complete the angel trials, it may very well be the last thing they ever do together. That thought did not bring Castiel joy.

Especially as he knew what Dean's reaction would be to the first trial. He wandered around aimlessly for a while, just thinking. A bee buzzed from a flowerbed near him and he stopped to watch, sitting on a nearby bench. He laced his fingers together and hunched forwards, using his clasped hands to rest his chin. He watched the bee collect nectar and move on. He wished his own life was as simple.

Dean was a bit like a bee, he mused. Take out the confusing thought processes and words Dean had a goal, or several goals at any one time, and one by one he would achieve them all, but he would set more goals for himself, surrealistically high ones, and he would still achieve them. But he would shove aside his personal goal for his underlying mission of family and the protection of that family. Although he would feel like a failure for not achieving his goals as well, or if anything went wrong at all. . . Maybe Dean wasn't really like a bee after all.

He didn't know how long he sat there, a long time, maybe hours. Lost in thought of the Winchesters and the angel trials. And how Sam would need help with the final one. And how worried Dean was about Sam being the one to do it.

They would need him to help them through. Both of them. And Kevin would have to keep the tablets safe. They didn't really need the angel tablet translated, not with Metatron having memorised it, but better Kevin had it than Crowley. If he was still alive of course. Somehow, he thought so. Crowley just kept coming back. He was resilient if nothing else. Castiel would compare him to a cockroach if he didn't think that doing so would insult his fathers creation.

He should go back to Sam and Dean, the sooner the likes of Crowley were locked downstairs the better.

He was surprised when he appeared in the impala, not in Lebanon, Kansas as expected. Dean swerved the steering wheel slightly

'Sonova-' he said 'Cas, I warned you not to do that! You're gonna make me crash some day.' He glanced over at the angel 'did Sam call you?'

'No' Castiel looked out of the window, confused 'where are we?'

'Not in Kansas any more'

'I understood that reference'

'Yeah, I would expect so after Sam roped you down and forced you to watch Wizard of Oz'

'If I recall correctly, you were the one who was mouthing along to all of Dorothy's lines' Dean shifted uncomfortably

'Whatever, dude. It's a good movie'

'Uh-huh' Was all Cas said. He didn't really understand movies. He and the brothers had made him watch some horror films that they had jumped at, but Castiel had remained unmoved. Their actual lives were much more intense than those of the characters. Plus, wasn't watching people die for entertainment kind of … demonic? Sam and Dean had tried to explain but he was still unconvinced.

'So where are we?'

'I'm not telling you, Cas, you'll only run back and tell Sam and he'll come after me.' he said, right as they passed a sign that read

'Welcome to Grenada, Mississippi, please drive carefully'

'Dammit' Dean cursed. 'Well, I'm not staying here anyway, so. . .' he trailed off

'Isn't Grenada …' Castiel paused to calculate 'around twelve hours away from Lebanon by vehicle?'

'I made it in ten'

'Why are you here Dean? And why isn't Sam?'

'Because I'm putting a stop to him doing these trials, okay? I just... I don't want Sam to die on me, is that such a bad thing?'

'But the gates -'

'_Screw_ the gates! I'll shut them myself' he said. 'And if you tell Sam, _any _of this, I'll rip your wings off, understood?'

'I – I think so.'

'I'm going to do the trials, Cas' Dean explained 'Me, not Sam. I won't kill him. He doesn't deserve to go out like that?'

'And you do?'

'I'm a hunter. It's all I've ever been. I'm gonna die a hunter. And that's cool, I'm good with that. But Sammy ... Sam just deserves more.'

Castiel was silent

'How'd you find me anyway? You said Sam didn't call. You thought I'd be back at the bunker with Sam.'

'I don't know' Cas said seriously 'I was as surprised as you were.' Dean spared another glance at the angel. He was frowning, his brow was creased and he looked pensive.

'So, uh ... what then? Could it be ... this ... soul mark thing?'

'Maybe, I'm not sure.'

'Huh'

There was a pause

'Where are you going Dean?'

'To find and gank a hell hound, Cas. That's where'

'You have the incantation?' Dean pulled the paper out of his pocket

'Stole it from Sammy's jacket' he said, with a proud smile. 'That boy's getting rusty'

Castiel took the paper and looked at it, looking at the Enochian words

'I made copies' Dean said 'So don't bother ripping it up or whatever'

'You really are determined to do this, aren't you?' he said sadly, placing the paper down.

'Damn straight'

'Why?'

'Why?' Dean looked at him with his _are you stupid?_ face. 'I just told you why. So Sammy doesn't have to.'

'And what do you think he'd say to that, Dean?'

'That I shouldn't, that I'm an idiot and I'm being selfish and that he doesn't want that for me either, but I don't care, Cas!' his voice rose 'I don't care! I _know_ I'm being selfish and stupid but I don't care because_ I'm _the big brother here. And _I_ protect Sam. Not the other way around.' he took a deep breath and continued, in a calmer tone

'He moved on when we were in Purgatory, Cas' he said. 'and I might have been pissed at him for not looking for me but he made a life for himself. And he was happy. And he could do it again. I _want _that for him, Cas. I want that for him more than anything. And as much as he denies it, _he_ wants it too. He spent his whole life fighting for it, a normal life.' Dean blinked hard. 'Now tell me, is wanting that for him so wrong?'

Castiel shook his head

'No'

'So you won't tell Sam where I am?'

'I guess not.'

'_Or _what I'm doing?'

'Fine'

'Thank you'

'But I will be back Dean. To check on you. And help'

'You wanna help?' he sounded disbelieving; the angel shrugged

'You'll do it whether I help or not, I just want to give you a better chance of survival' Dean raised an eyebrow

'Thanks Cas' he said, slightly sarcastically

'You're welcome' he said

And the passenger seat was empty again

'Frigging angels' Dean muttered to himself with a small smile on his face.

**So ... opinions? Any and all mistakes are my own because I'm really tired and for some reason my spell check decided to not work, but it should be okay, I checked it. **

**Let me know if you have any questions/problems/praises/insults**

**I'm always happy to get feedback ^.^**

**Oh and btw. I used Google maps for the places and times. I know absolutely NOTHING about American geography seeing as I'm English so please forgive any geographical errors. Or blame google :P**

**Love Tibbins xx **


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey guys! I'm really sorry, I know it's been ages since I updated but real life had the audacity to get in my way! Ugh, how dare it?!**

**Anyway, here's the next chapter for Hopeless Romantic 142 because your review was lovely and made me happy ^_^**

**I don't own Supernatural. **

**Enjoy ^.^**

'Hello, Sam' Castiel said. Sam jumped and stood up from his laptop

'Cas, I need you to find Dean. He ran out last night. His GPS is turned off and I have a feeling that he's going to do something stupid'

'I've already seen him.'

'Where is he?' Sam demanded. Castiel shrugged. He was always a bad liar. The less he said, the less he'd give away.

'He made you promise not to tell me didn't he?'

Castiel nodded. Sam cursed

'Idiot! Well, what's he planning? He just told me not to go after Abbadon and that it had something to do with the trials'

'I'm not supposed to tell you that either' Castiel confessed. Sam ran a hand through his hair and made a noise that was both exasperated and angry.

'Cas, this is important. I need to know!' Castiel just looked at him head tilted, waiting. Sam sighed 'He's gone to kill his own hellhound hasn't he?'

'Are you surprised?'

'No, I'm pissed'.

'Why?' Sam whirled to face him

'Because he _promised _me, dammit!' he yelled. 'We _talked _about this and he said he backed my play! And now he's just doing what he always does, sacrificing himself for me, and I'm sick of it! I'm freaking _sick_ of it!'

'He's not doing this to 'piss you off', Sam' Castiel countered heatedly, he always felt the need to defend Dean especially against Sam. 'He's doing this so you don't have to. He's trying to save his brother, just like he's always done. Can you blame him?'

'Yes!' Sam yelled back 'Because I'm not a six year old kid any more! He can't keep _doing_ this! It's selfish!'

'He said you'd say that' the angel mused

'Am I wrong?'

'He doesn't believe so. I do'

'How so?' Sam asked, a warning glint in his eye that Castiel ignored

'I believe that Dean sacrificing his life for yours is a selfless act rather than a selfish one. He would rather die than live without you. And he would, every time. Those aren't just words to him.'

'And yet he expects _me_ to live without him!' Sam argued

'Because he believes that you can' Castiel said sternly, not liking Sam's anger. 'While he was in Purgatory, you lived without him. And before your father went missing you had a normal life. That is what he wants for you, Sam. That is all he wants. Who are we to deny him that?' Sam hesitated for a moment, his face contorted into one of pure sadness

'I'm his brother' he muttered 'and he had a life when I was in the cage; with Lisa and Ben. He can live without me too! If he tried.'

'Lisa and Ben are lost to him now' Castiel said harshly 'through his own choice might I add, because he chose you. He will _always _choose you.' his voice took on a gentler tone as he continued, remembering 'and you didn't see him, Sam. He wasn't happy. Not completely. There was always something missing, he kept holy water under the bed and a devil's trap under the rug and he was jumpy and had nightmares. He kept looking out the window and just seemed ... empty.'

'You watched him a lot, huh?' Sam said gently. Imagining Dean living a normal life. Considering the happiest he'd ever actually seen his brother was when he was decorating his own room, it was difficult. Cas was right. Dean could never be happy without the hunting, and with the hunting it would be impossible for him to settle down. But that didn't mean that Sam would be okay with him going off to complete the trials and kill himself. After all, Dean had two conflicting sides to him. The side that would hunt 'till he died and the side that longed for a family. But while Sam was in the picture, Dean would never even think about the alternative.

'I have to finish the third trial, Cas' Sam said desperately 'I have to find Abbadon. Dean won't have time to complete all three trials before I can do this last one. Will you help me?'

'I can't.' Castiel said. 'My loyalty is with Dean on this one.' Sam gaped at him

'I thought you liked Dean better than me? But you'd rather _he _died?'

'I understand Dean better' Castiel clarified. 'He is more determined than you, Sam. He will not back down. He will get himself killed hunting a hellhound unless I help him.'

'He'll get killed anyway completing the trials!' Sam cried

'It will not come to that' Castiel insisted 'I will look for a way for him to complete the trials without the final sacrifice.'

'And if you can't find one?'

'Then I will bring him back' the angel stated, matter of factly

'You really think you could do that?' Sam asked

'I am an angel of the Lord' was all Castiel said, before he vanished.

Sam stood, staring at the spot Cas had been. He ran a hand through his hair. He trusted Cas, he really did. But he doubted that the angel had that kind of juice. After all, if Dean died to close the gates of Hell then the only place for him to go was Heaven. And the other angels were still mad about the whole, Cas going on a murder spree thing. Would he be able to sneak Dean out?

Would Dean want to go; surrounded by his happiest memories? Sam recalled the look on Dean's face as he hugged their mother and was filled with a sadness he couldn't explain. But he was protective of his brother too. Dean forgot that Sam had done his fair share of ass-saving, that Dean wasn't the only one who could stand up and sacrifice himself for his brother, Dean wasn't the only one who _cared_.

Sam weighed his options; he could go and look for Abbadon, but without Castiel's help that would be a near impossible task, she could be anywhere by now and the more tme Dean had to complete the trials the more determined he would become; however it wasn't like he hadn't done the impossible before; he could look for another demon, any demon. But Crowley had called them all off and short of going to Hell to look for them, he didn't really have anywhere to start.

Or, he could go and find Dean, drag his sorry ass back to Kansas and convince him to let Sam complete the third trial. That would be a real bitch. When Sam didn't want to be found, he just did the opposite of what he would usually do, which evidently didn't work. When Dean didn't want to be found he'd do some things he would normally do, and other things he wouldn't. Which meant that Sam had to guess what he would do and what he would change. He took the impala, obviously, but the impala was impossible to trace, especially if Dean changed the licence plate which he was likely to do. And he would keep checking to make sure the GPS in his phone stayed off. But they were brothers. Sam knew Dean better than anyone. If anyone could find him, he could.

**So ... opinions?**

**I know this chapter is kind of repetitive with the whole sacrificing lives thing but that's kind of how they are, one will nobly sacrifice and the other will jump in last second and it's just a constant sacrificing loop. I wanted to get that across. Hope I did**

**Please let me know what you think ^.^**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	18. Chapter 18

**Okay, so it's been a couple of days since I updated and as an apology, this chapter is longer than usual :P**

**Unfortunately, still not much plot (Sorry Tashiya) but some of the stuff mentioned is kind of important. Plot is really not my strong point, I'm kind of slow at getting to the actual point of things, sorry, just bear with me :P there will be some action soon, promise ^.^**

**This chapter is dedicated to: theconsultingtardisbananaangel because I loved your review and I love your name, just wondering where does the 'banana' bit come from? I think I figured out the rest as Sherlock, Dr Who and Supernatural but I'm stuck on banana :P  
Thank you for your review ^.^**

**I still don't own Supernatural :(**

**Enjoy :D**

Dean was holed up in an internet café, scouring the web for any mention of an overnight success nearby, ten years ago to the week. Or the fortnight. There were a couple of likely targets, a doctor who hadn't lost a single patient in ten years in Tallulah, an author who had mysteriously recovered from cancer and sold over two million copies of his book worldwide in Brookhaven and a musician in Prattville who had become a sensation ten years ago and hadn't had any unpopular songs since. Dean thought that the latter sounded promising, after all, it seemed the most selfish of the options, and people tended to sell their souls for selfish stuff rather than for the greater good. Prattville it was. He drained his coffee and left.

Back in the impala, Dean carefully selected his music choice.

'Sweet home Alabama' seemed appropriate. He laughed and then glanced at the passenger seat and his laughter faded. He turned back to the road and started the engine. It was going to be a long four hours. He couldn't risk breaking the speed limit and getting a record on the car, Sam would be looking. He wished Cas was there to help lighten the mood, but the angel was terrible at being deliberately funny and anyway he was probably busy. He couldn't pray for him just 'cause he was bored. Well. He suppose he _could_ but Cas wouldn't be too happy with him if he did.  
It occurred to him suddenly that he hadn't asked Cas how the angel trials were going. Not that he cared of course. It's not like he was going to _miss_ Cas when he locked himself inside Heaven. Not at all. He let out a wry smile. He wasn't even trying to convince himself. Cas meant more to him than just a random dick of an angel. He had saved their asses more times that he could count, even when they were fighting and it would have been easier for him to just let them die. He had pulled Dean up from Hell, twice; the second time simply because he cared. Dean hummed along to the music as he drove. Cas had kinda become like a security blanket for him. Just an extra, reliable weapon to fall back on when his original plan went to shit. He'd miss that.

_XXX_

Castiel glanced through the local library records and found a promising section. After flipping through the pages of each of them he sighed and just sat, staring into nothing, admiring the dust motes that drifted and swirled in the air around him. This search was useless, it was slow and unrewarding. Sam was always much better at research, but Castiel usually _knew_ all of the answers. It was so frustrating to have to actually _search_ for something.

He tried several more libraries before conceding defeat. Metatron probably knew of a way out of this for Sam and Dean. A way to shut the gates of Hell without having to give up their lives in the process. It wasn't like he could ask around in Heaven and Metatron was the only angel he could talk to ... that he hadn't killed. He felt a pang of guilt for Balthazar. He had been full of hubris and pride at that time, he was no longer. He had killed a good friend, and he regretted it. Just like he regretted Rachel. She had been right all along and he should not have killed her. Not to mention Raphael's followers who had been misguided rather than evil and did not deserve to die.  
He had done a lot of wrong in the short time of his power. Even his penance in Purgatory did not completely erase his guilt. But the Winchesters had forgiven him, even if he had not forgiven himself. For that alone he must find a way to save Dean. If he couldn't ... then he would have to bring him back from Heaven. But he was unlikely to be able to. He would probably be killed if he was discovered in Heaven. There were a lot of angels out to get him. For the angel tablet if nothing else. They didn't know that he had given it the the prophet Kevin Tran.

He closed the heavy tome before him and thought hard, trying to come up with another idea, anything that might mean that neither Dean nor Sam (for there was going to be a fight between which of the brothers actually completed the tasks) would have to give up their lives in exchange for all Hell-spawn to be sucked back into the pit. Then it came to him and suddenly he was in Bobby's house. If anyone would have the books he needed it was Bobby. He rolled up the sleeves of his trenchcoat and grabbed the first book he saw. This could take a while.  
As he scanned, he thought of the brothers. He wondered which would 'win' and complete the trials. He was hoping for Sam although he was helping Dean, even if he couldn't find a way, and one of the brothers ended up in Heaven, at least Sam would be happy and at peace there. Dean would be one of the very, very few who was unhappy in Heaven. Although his memories were his paradise, his happy ones were rather limited, most of them involving a young Sam or his mother, both of which were tinged with sorrow.  
Dean had tried to protect Sam from everything, keeping him in the dark about what their father did for as long as possible. He had never wanted this life for his brother. Especially with the way that turned out. Cas frowned slightly, Dean was certainly unusual, unhappy in Heaven. Dean was so alive that he just wouldn't like being dead, unable to save people or hunt things. That was just who he was.

On the other hand, Sam's motivations for the sacrifice were less pure. He was offering himself because he was expected to, and he would seem selfish if he didn't. Oh, he would follow it through, no doubt, but Sam's love for Dean was decidedly less obsessive than Dean's protective love for Sam. Castiel agreed with Dean that Sam would be able to move on and live without Dean, while Dean would be lost without Sam. If things came to a more ... permanent end. Cas frowned at that thought and shook himself. He didn't really want to think about that.

_XXX_

Sam hotwired a car and drove. He followed the tracks the impala had made in the dirt from the bunker but when they hit an actual road the trail was lost. He kept driving. Dean had been gone for a couple of days now and he had a good idea of where he had gone. He had researched people who had had a sudden stroke of genius or luck ten years ago to the month. Dean would pick one close at had so that narrowed it down to a fortnight. Of which there were only three, all roughly in the same direction, Brookhaven, Prattville and Tallulah, presumably they had all dealt with the same demon seeing as they were pretty close. Maybe while dragging Dean back from this suicide hellhound mission, he might be able to grab the demon along the way. If the demon showed of course, crossroads demons tended to leave the whole repayment part of their deals to the dogs, but he might get lucky. As serious as he knew their situation was, Sam couldn't help but be in a good mood. Dean was being Dean and he would say a few soothing words and let him take the fall, then Dean would probably beg Cas for a favour and Cas would bring him back.

That was the thing, having died so many times before, he wasn't exactly scared. He knew that Dean would find a way to bring him back, no matter what he promised to him beforehand, so he didn't get the big deal that Dean was making out of this. Besides, even if he didn't come back then he'd be in heaven with Bones and Thanksgiving and freedom and all his other happy memories that Dean just didn't understand.  
And would that be so bad? He dared to think that Ash would find him and he could spend his days hanging out at the Roadhouse with him and Pamela and maybe even Bobby, Ellen and Jo if Ash had found them. So he wouldn't exactly be lonely. And Cas could probably pop in and relay him info about Dean and they could keep in touch through him. And that didn't feel bad to him. In fact, he was cheerful at the prospect. Once he did this, the gates of Hell would be closed, the demons would all be gone and he would be in Heaven with the people he loved, at least for a little while until Cas came to rescue him before he locked the gates of Heaven for good. Depending on how his angel trials went of course.  
And things would be the same for Dean, right? If he somehow failed to drag his brother back to the batcave and Dean managed to finish the trials, then he would just have to bide his own time in Heaven 'till Cas went for him. And Dean could be at peace there, even if it was just for a little while. Dean deserved that much, didn't he? Just a little bit of happiness for himself after all that he had given to the world at large.

Sam thought about the cases as he drove, which one would Dean pick? He didn't really have to worry about that for another ten or so hours but it would be good to plan ahead, and figure out the quickest routes between all three places in case he picked the wrong one. The soonest debt was due in Brookhaven, which was in two days exactly. Sam urged the car faster. It was the most likely one, after that was Prattville and then Tallulah. But Dean would want this over fast, he was never really one to plan.

_XXX_

Dean pulled into a gas station about three and a half hours later to fill up his baby, grab some snacks and empty his bladder. From there he found a motel and checked into a room under the name 'Carl Simmons'. Not the most fun of alias' perhaps but he figured that Sam would be looking out for any of his other ID's, and yes, so he had a couple of extra cards that Sam didn't know about, just in case, was it so bad to plan for everything? Dean stumbled into his room (on the third floor but still near the fire escape) and practically collapsed onto the bed. He was just outside the town of Prattville (_quite fitting_, he thought sourly, _that guy at the desk was a total douche bag_) In the morning he would begin the search for Austin Reymes, the small-town musical wonder. His music wasn't so popular that he would be hard to get to, it was just regular-popular. Which made the guy rich but not famous, maybe that had been part of the deal. Whatever, he had four days to find the guy and gank his canine debt collector. Avoiding Sam while he did so. Maybe he could ask Cas to obscure his trail a bit or something. He'd figure it out tomorrow, right now, he needed to sleep.

**So what do you guys think? Please don't hurt me due to lack of plot. I tried to make it contemplative and give you a lot to think about. **

**Honestly I have no idea where this is headed so any theory at all could be right about now xD I daresay I'll figure it out eventually :P**

**Please let me know what you guys think :)**

**Love Tibbins xx**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey guys ^_^ life has been really crazy at the moment, got my A level results, I got into the Uni I wanted, started driving lessons, got a boyfriend and have begun to shop for everything I'll need, so not much time left for writing I'm afraid xD sorry :(**

**This one is dedicated to Litbitnurse87 because I'm glad you like it ^_^**

**I still don't own Supernatural :(**

**Enjoy :)**

Four hours later, Dean awoke, bleary eyed but alert. He sat up and ran a hand over his face and through his hair. He yawned as he stumbled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom to take a leak and shower. He emerged feeling clean and refreshed, an off-white towel wrapped around his waist. He dressed and left, checking out. He drove into town and found another motel, nearer the centre where he checked in using the name 'Peter Johnson', from there he headed towards a diner, and after greasy fry up, he made his way towards the library where he found a free computer and began to research Austin Reymes. There wasn't much of relevance. Just his albums and most recent tour. He scowled as he read the lyrics to one of his songs, modern day, poppy, synthesised crap. Whatever happened to good, old-fashioned _music_?

He slammed the door of his baby a little harder than was necessary and turned up Metallica as he drove, losing himself in his comforting old tunes. The website hadn't told him Reymes' address exactly, but there was a picture of him outside his home and the gates were quite distinctive. He'd drive over to the posh part of town and see if he could figure out a way to get inside. Sam had always been better at the sob stories. But once he got in, he figured he could come clean to Reymes, after all, if he knew that the Hell hound was coming, he shouldn't really refuse protection. It was near enough to the time that the guy would be having hallucinations. He set his jaw as he repressed a shudder. He remembered what those hallucinations were like, the fear they induced, the growing dread that Hell was coming, and it was unavoidable.

_XXX_

Sam arrived in Brookhaven, just as the sun was reaching it's peak. He was lucky that the trials had stopped him from sleeping or he might have dropped off somewhere en route. He could feel the tiredness inside him, could feel the slight itch in his eyes but he rubbed them when he switched off the engine and ignored the feeling which didn't pester him as it would have done if he had been ... Pre-trial Sam. It was a weird feeling. He had a tension inside him, a feeling of mounting urgency. He knew it was the need to complete the third trial. But he had to find Dean first. Then he could find a demon. He tracked down the nearest library and found a copy of the guy's book, then he hunkered down at a table and began to read.

It was really well written. He concluded, some time later, shutting the book and staring down at the face on the back cover. A gripping storyline and intriguing characters. This could easily have been the result of hard work and exceptional talent. Sam sighed and returned the book to it's shelf. It didn't necessarily mean the intervention of a demon deal. Which could have made the worst written book ever a top best-seller. Perhaps the person asked for writing talent. It wouldn't do any harm to ask. But before he did, he'd search all the motels for the impala and ask at reception to see if anyone matching Dean's description had checked in or if any of his alias' has been used. If he could find Dean without having to worry about Hell hounds then he would consider himself lucky.

_XXX_

Castiel appeared in Dean's car once more, but the hunter barely flinched. He had been expecting the angel to check in sooner or later.

'How's Sam?' he asked without preamble

'I can't find him' Castiel replied solemnly. Dean glanced at him, amused

'Call his cell' he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it was. Okay, so Cas was less used to picking up a phone than he was just appearing right in front of them but surely he should have gotten used to the human way of doing things, at least where they were concerned.

Obediently, Castiel took out his cell phone and called Sam's number, he held the phone to his ear and waited patiently for Sam to pick up

'Hello?'

'Hello' replied the angel

'Cas?'

'Yes' there was a pause

'Are you okay?' Sam's voice was a mixture of impatient and concerned, the angel had never displayed a great knack for small talk, or indeed any talk that was not of great importance. Castiel just didn't see the point in speaking if there was no need, and although he had gotten better at this, learning to cope without telepathy as Sam and Dean had drummed it into him that it was rude to read their minds without permission.

'Yes, I am well' Next to him, Dean rolled his eyes.

'Ask him where he is!' Dean hissed at him

'Is that Dean?' came Sam's voice from the other end of the phone 'Cas, where are you?'

'I -' the angel paused and glanced at Dean, who shook his head 'I can't say. I called to find out where _you_ are'

'Brookhaven' Sam replied, where I think Dean is. Am I right?' Castiel hesitated and took the phone away from his ear to stare at it, before glancing at the driver.

'Oh, give it here!' Dean said impatiently, grabbing the phone and tucking it into his neck so he could still drive with two hands 'Sammy, go back to Kansas' he said 'I'm doing this and you're not going to stop me.' And before Sam could reply, he ended the call and passed the phone back to Cas, who took it.

'So where is he then?' Dean asked

'Brookhaven'

'Right, the author.'

'What?'

'Never mind' Dean said dismissively. Then he paused, and seeing some likely looking houses, turned right and drove at a crawl through the posh neighbourhood 'So, when you next pop in, Cas.' he continued gruffly 'could you let me know how Sam is?' Dean didn't look at Cas as he asked, embarrassed at showing the angel just how much he loved his little brother, not that Castiel didn't already know that of course, given that he had been with them through several sacrifices and chick-flick moments. But voicing it, he knew it sounded stupid. But if Cas though so, he didn't say. He just nodded, and with the sound of rustling feathers, he was gone.

Dean spotted the distinctive wrought iron gates on his left and pulled over. Fishing through his IDs, he settled on one with the name Derrick Perkins that stated he worked for a meter company, granted the company was based in Ohio but people tended not to look for falsehoods in their ID. Dean crossed the road and pressed the buzzer at the gates

'Yes?' came a terse, female voice

'Hi' Dean said, confidently 'I'm here to read the meter' he held up the ID to the camera. There was a pause

'We were not made aware that a meter reading was due' she said suspiciously. Jeez, she sounded like a prison guard he thought. He forced a laugh and lowered his card

'Yeah well' he said, shrugging 'new staff. All the schedules have been re-jigged a bit' there was an even longer pause.

'Make it quick' the woman snapped, and the gate opened. Dean stepped through to the wide, sweeping driveway and up to the door, which he pushed inwards. He walked inside. Everything screamed 'money' marble walls, chrome bannisters, plush carpets, glass stairs. He whistled.

'You're not paid to gawp I take it?' Dean turned to face the stern woman, her face was pinched in a scowl, her dirty blonde hair was pulled back into a tight bun and she was tapping her foot impatiently at him, she was holding an iPad and indicating Dean to follow her, turned on her heel and led him through to a large study, with a meter box well concealed in the corner. Dean opened it and stared at the numbers. Then he straightened up and patted himself down. Then he smiled charmingly at the woman

'You don't happen to have any paper and a pen do you?' he asked innocently 'I left my pad in the car' . The woman sniffed haughtily and stalked away with a suspicious glance back over her shoulder. Dean kept smiling until she had turned a corner before he made a sneaky dash for the stairs. Taking them two at a time he emerged in a large landing with several doors leading off it. A couple of them were ajar, one was clearly a bathroom. He tried each door until he came to a locked one. He knocked.

'Go away Patricia!' a voice yelled from inside 'I'm not well, I told you!'

'Mister Reymes!' Dean called back

'Who is that? Who are you? Not another fan!'

'No' Dean replied 'Believe me, I'm not a fan'

'Then who are you?' the voice was panicky and high pitched now

'I'm someone who can help' Said Dean 'I know what happened ten years ago. I know what's coming for you. And I can help' there was a pause, and the sound of scurrying footsteps, something heavy being moved and the door being unlocked, it opened a fraction and a wide, blue eye peered out. 'My name's Dean' he clarified

'How did you get in?' Reymes asked, opening the door slightly wider. His light hair was dishevelled and greasy as if he hadn't showered in a week. He didn't look like he did on the website. Dean smirked _not such a bad-boy now, are you MisterReymes? _He thought.

'Oh, I posed as a meter reader and dodged your assistant' he answered with a glance behind him 'Speaking of which, she's probably going to notice soon that I'm gone and you should probably ...'

he was interrupted by a very loud

'What are you doing up here?' he spun around to face her, for someone so petite it was astounding how much she looked like a pitbull. 'This is Mister Reymes' room! I am so sorry Sir, this will not happen again, I'll notify the police at once!'

'No!' Said Reymes quickly, Patricia stopped, looking puzzled, Reymes hesitated and looked helplessly at Dean who put in

'Austin and I are old buddies' he said while Reymes nodded emphatically beside him 'He called me asking to come over last night and I thought it would be funny to pose as a ... meter err guy ...' he trailed off lamely and laughed, lying was all about confidence he had heard. Patricia puffed herself up and pursed her lips as if she was sucking on a lemon. Then she made an indignant noise and turned to flounce away which would have looked better if she wore her hair loose, Dean's eyes wandered to the woman's ass and he nodded appreciatively before being ushered into Reymes' room, where he shut the door behind them.

**So what do you think? I'm starting to move forward plotwise :P I have no idea where it's going though xD**

**I guess you'll just have to keep reading to find out xD**

**Let me know any and all opinions you have, feedback is always appreciated :D**

**Love Tibbins xx**


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